Manhardeep Singh

21 Days to A Positive-Attitude Habit

March 3, 2018

This may come as a surprise… but your attitude is more important than your aptitude in determining your success in life!

Just how critical is attitude to achievement? Well, take a look at one of the greatest inventors of the last two hundred years – Thomas Edison. Every time you turn on a light switch, you experience the result of his persistence in the face of continuous failure.

Edison tried 10,000 times to get his light bulb invention to work, but failed each time. However, he had this to say about his lack of success. “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

You can learn to have this kind of outlook on life, but it needs to be purposefully installed into your daily living.

You probably know it takes about 21 days to break a habit by replacing it with a new one. If you are plagued with persistent negative thoughts toward life, you can replace this mindset with a new positive-attitude habit!
Here is a 21-day five-step program to change a negative attitude to a positive one:

1. Take charge of what you’re thinking.
This is a moment-by-moment decision that doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a habit that will take some time to build. How can you do this? Choose to think uplifting thoughts instead of discouraging ones.

You get to decide what you think, which in turn determines how you feel. Become aware of this and dwell on positive ideas throughout the day.

At first you may have to force yourself to find something positive. Consider keeping a journal and write down at least one good thing in your life each day for three weeks. Then think about these blessings instead of discouraging thoughts.

2. Read inspirational material.
During this 21-day training period, fill your mind with good thoughts. The best book of all to read is that priceless diamond of world literature – the Bible. You’ll never know what wonderful results from reading it are around the corner until you open its covers!

3. Focus on others.
For the next 21 days make an extra effort to help other people. Concentrating on assisting others will help you more than you realize. If you succeed in becoming wealthy but are poor in respect to your relationships, you will not be truly prosperous at all!

So make a special effort of focusing on others during your 21 days of building your new positive-attitude habit. This will free you up to allow the butterfly of happiness to land on your shoulder when you least expect it.

4. Take care of your health needs.
It’s hard to maintain a positive mindset if you’ve neglected your physical needs. So during the 21 days of your attitude retraining make an extra effort to eat nutritious balanced meals.

Not getting enough sleep will also be a tremendous hindrance, so make sure you’re getting adequate rest. And don’t forget to get enough exercise. When you feel down, try to take a brisk 30-minute walk. You’ll feel revived!

5. Learn contentment
For the next 21 days focus on what you have and not on what you don’t have. Live in the present and enjoy your blessings.

Try to forget acquiring stuff for the purpose of keeping up with others. That only leads to more anxiety. Be thankful for what you do have instead.

When going through difficult experiences – remember that adversity can be a blessing in disguise. You might learn some important lessons during those tough times – like Thomas Edison did. (I know I have.)

These lessons can turn into credentials that will enable you to help others when they’re going through tough times.

So don’t let negativity ruin your present and future. Instead, build a new habit of having a positive attitude. It will take about 21 days to start seeing consistent changes in the way you think, but it will be worth it!

Now choose the starting date for your attitude-renewal adventure and go for it!
How about today?
5 Ways To Keep Romance Alive – On A Budget

March 2, 2018

Just about everyone agrees that a nice dinner and a good bottle of wine at a quiet, intimate restaurant will set the mood for romance, but have you seen the price tag? Not everyone can afford to spend big money on romance every time, but a bit of creativity can get the same results without breaking the bank.

While most people know about ‘his and hers’ items like bathrobes and towels, there are a number of other items that can be enjoyed together as ‘couples’ items. Try getting matching T-shirts with cute sayings on them. Have matching his and hers overnight bags, coffee mugs, bicycles, cell phones, cars, holiday ornaments, tennis rackets, rocking chairs and even matching carved pumpkins on Halloween.

Surprise your partner by making the ordinary a little more special. If he or she is enjoying a good book, remove the bookmark and replace it with a note that says, “I bet you’ll never guess where I’ve hidden your bookmark.” If they always turn the TV on when they come home from work, tape a note on the television that says, “Wouldn’t you rather turn me on?” instead.

Making important memories is one way to be romantic on a budget. Challenge your partner to remember the most romantic kiss that you’ve seen in a movie. This will lead to some discussion about romantic kisses and should enhance the mood. As a surprise, buy that movie one day and try to recreate that special romantic kiss! Keep it in a special place and re-watch it whenever the mood strikes. If you can’t agree on the single most romantic kiss, go ahead and create a top five list. This tip works for anything. The top five most romantic songs. The top five most romantic movies. The top five most romantic books. You see the pattern. Make sure to go ahead and buy the books, songs, movies or whatever so you can use them in the future.

If you want to plan the ultimate romantic evening but funds are low or you simply don’t want to have to leave the house, shut down the electricity and imitate a power outage (it’s up to you whether or not you tell him or her!). You won’t have any distractions or heat, so it is up to both of you to keep the other warm and entertain each other.

It’s hard to find anyone who doesn’t enjoy an Oreo cookie. Take an Oreo (or generic version of one), scratch the top of the cookie until smooth and then scratch a heart and your initials into the smooth surface. You can also make your own cookies and create personal messages. Another version is to make your own cupcakes and frost them with special messages in red icing. You can also give your spouse a true treat and track down a box of his or her favorite Girl Scout cookie.

These 5 simple ideas are sure to warm up any relationship. Don’t be afraid to try simple tips and changes to “routines” to spice things up without having it cost a fortune!
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5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them

March 1, 2018

It is not uncommon that I am constantly asked why so many relationships fail. To get to the root cause of this menace, I have discovered five major relationship killers:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories – overt control and covert control.

Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.

Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked.

Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.

RESISTANCE

Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled – of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance – withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procrastination.

When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant – which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled – the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.

NEEDINESS

Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their loneliness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need.

SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS

Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner.

EYES ON PARTNER’S PLATE

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

All relationship killers come from fear – of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways.

The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship.
Are You Worried? 4 Steps to Peace of Mind

February 28, 2018

A friend has this quotation on his office wall: “I know worry works because nothing I worry about ever happens.”

I think I must believe that, because I worry a lot — and about the most insignificant things. I worry about the big things, of course, like health, relationships, and finances. But I’m also liable to fret about anything and everything that finds its way into my consciousness.

Because I spend so much time on worry, I’ve decided to embrace it with a personal research project. Maybe you’d like to join me.

Here are two avenues I’m exploring:

1) I practice catching myself at it. “Hey, I’m worrying again.” During a recent evening walk, I caught myself worrying 10 times during one round! I’m not kidding. On rare days when I don’t have anything to worry about, I find something. What I’ve learned is that worry is a mental habit. I can change habits; I’ve done it before. There’s hope.

2) My second approach is to practice presence. By this I mean stopping my thoughts. In my workshops, I ring a bell to help participants practice centering. The quieter we are, the longer we hear the bell. There’s a lovely moment when we all listen . . . until the ring is barely audible . . . then just a memory. I relish that moment of quiet before my thoughts re-engage. There is no future or past, just Now. No worrying thoughts — no thoughts at all. It’s a peaceful place, which is why I stretch the moment. I want to strengthen the connection to something greater than my worries.

3) When I told my good friend Shivi about my worry project, she told me about her approach, which is to do one of the three things: decide to address the issue right then; if you can’t do anything about it at the moment, give yourself a time to address it later; or decide that it is not important and let it go. In other words, act on it, file it or throw it away.

4) Finally, one of Shivi’s favorite worry stoppers (and mine) is to sing. Connect with your self, your creativity, and the place where everything really is okay.

Awareness and acknowledgment are the keys to changing our habits. Morihei Ueshiba, who founded aikido and spoke of it as the Art of Peace, said we must “always practice the Art of Peace in a vibrant and joyful manner.” Perhaps my research project on worry will help me to lighten up, smile, and live each day in such a way.

Are you worrying? Stop your thoughts for a moment. Listen to the sounds around you, pay attention, and be present to this key moment. And smile . . . for no reason. You may find that’s the best reason of all.
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Alone But Not Lonely

February 27, 2018

In today’s fast-paced society, we’ve become accustomed to filling the eeriness of silence with fluff. We turn to many distractions as a means of escaping feelings of idleness or boredom. But the main thing we wish to elude is loneliness. Solitude does not have to be alienating or lonesome. In fact, solitude and loneliness are distinctly separate.

The death of a loved one or the inability to find people who understand you can leave you feeling isolated. Webster’s dictionary plainly describes loneliness as “being without companions.” It’s natural to experience an emptiness while longing for love or acceptance. Loneliness is therefore an emotive state that can be experienced whether or not one is physically alone.

It was Geoffrey F. Fisher who said, “In cities no one is quiet but many are lonely; in the country, people are quiet but few are lonely.”

We tend to fill loneliness with all types of distractions. For example, some single women would rather spend a Friday night with a man they have no genuine interest in, than spend the night alone. They long for a way of killing time while they await the man they are actually seeking. Then there are young adults who are involved in cliques where they can’t really relate to their companions. However, they would rather feel accepted on a superficial level than risk feeling outcast. So what is it about being alone that scares us?

Do not be spooked by the unfamiliarity of silence. Silence can be an amazing thing. It teaches you how to truly listen. It teaches you to pay attention to what’s going on inside of you. Only when we are alone, can we have the space and peace we need to think without being outwardly influenced. It therefore becomes easier to make important decisions as well as identify whatever feelings are culminating within.

Get in touch with yourself so that you can make conscious decisions rather than simply react to emotions. Appreciate the time you have to yourself. Let the peace and understanding you find better equip you for the commotion of today’s world.
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5 Important Details Developing Rapport

February 26, 2018

Let us take a peak at the basics of developing rapport with others.

In a nutshell, what it takes is to ask questions, have a positive, open attitude, encourage an open exchange of communications (both verbal and unspoken), listen to verbal and unspoken communications and share positive feedback.

Here are important details on each step:

1. Ask Questions

Building report is similar to interviewing someone for a job opening or it can be like a reporter seeking information for an article.

Relax and get to know the other person with a goal of finding common ground or things of interest. You can begin by simply commenting on the other persons choice of attire, if in person, or about their computer, if online, and following up with related questions.

For example, in person, you could compliment the other person on their color choice and or maybe a pin, ring or other piece of jewelry and ask where it came from.

In online communications, you could compliment the other persons font, smile faces or whatever they use, mention that the communication style seems relaxed and ask if he or she writes a lot.

Then basically follow up, steering clear of topics that could entice or cause arguing, while gradually leading the person to common ground you’d like to discuss.

2. Attitude

Have a positive attitude and leave social labels at home (or in a drawer, if you’re at home). Many people can tell instantly if you have a negative attitude or if you feel superior. So treat other people as you would like to be treated. And give each person a chance.

3. Open Exchange

Do encourage others to share with you. Some people are shy, scared or inexperienced in communicating and welcoming an opportunity to share. So both with body language and verbal communication invite an exchange. Face the other person with your arms open, eyes looking into theirs gently (not glaring or staring), and encourage a conversation with a warm smile.

4. Listen

Be an active listener. Don’t focus your thoughts on what YOU will say next. Listen to what the other person is saying and take your clues from there, while also noting the body language.

For example, if the other person folds his arms and sounds upset, you may need to change the subject or let him have some space and distance; maybe even try approaching him later on and excusing yourself to go make a phone call (or head to the buffet table or somewhere to escape).

On the other hand, if the other person is leaning towards you, following your every word and communicating with you as if you were old friends, BINGO. You’ve built rapport!

5. Share People like compliments

So hand them out freely without over-doing it. Leaving a nice part of yourself like a compliment is a good memory for the other person to recall – numerous times. That’s good rapport. But do be sincere! False compliments aren’t easily disguised.
Are You Getting in the Way?

February 24, 2018

Getting out of our busy mode and into our heart occasionally, I’m certain that many of us would find at least one moment during our day where we could pause, reflect on a situation, and see something that we can do to make a difference in someone else’s life.

The pace of life and work has increased a lot and I daresay we don’t give as much thought as we could to the circumstances of other people’s lives. Sometimes, we’re so caught up in our own struggle that we don’t think we can even afford the time to “give” our time, suggestions, talents, to others. And yet, if we do, we are rewarded.

We are often times, throughout our lives, able to experience richness, synchronicity, and reward through small acts of generosity. This isn’t even about money, although sometimes the rewards will impact our financial status as well. And yet, we fail too often when we are so self-absorbed or consumed by our own situation thinking we’d give up too much by helping.

So, this is just a gentle reminder for all of us to pay attention to at least one “little thing” that will make a difference for someone else. Try to make it for someone you don’t know well or don’t know at all; family and friends are too easy and natural.