• Narcissist vs. Psychopath

    We all heard the terms “psychopath” or “sociopath”. These are the old names for a patient with the Antisocial Personality Disorder (AsPD). It is hard to distinguish narcissists from psychopaths. The latter may simply be a less inhibited and less grandiose form of the former. Indeed, the DSM V Committee is considering to abolish this distinction altogether.
    Still, there are some important nuances setting the two disorders apart:

    As opposed to most narcissists, psychopaths are either unable or unwilling to control their impulses or to delay gratification. They use their rage to control people and manipulate them into submission.

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    Psychopaths, like narcissists, lack empathy but many of them are also sadistic: they take pleasure in inflicting pain on their victims or in deceiving them. They even find it funny!

    Psychopaths are far less able to form interpersonal relationships, even the twisted and tragic relationships that are the staple of the narcissist.

    Both the psychopath and the narcissist disregard society, its conventions, social cues and social treaties. But the psychopath carries this disdain to the extreme and is likely to be a scheming, calculated, ruthless, and callous career criminal. Psychopaths are deliberately and gleefully evil while narcissists are absent-mindedly and incidentally evil.
    From the book “Malignant Self Love – Narcissism Revisited”:

    “As opposed to what Scott Peck says, narcissists are not evil – they lack the intention to cause harm (mens rea). As Millon notes, certain narcissists ‘incorporate moral values into their exaggerated sense of superiority. Here, moral laxity is seen (by the narcissist) as evidence of inferiority, and it is those who are unable to remain morally pure who are looked upon with contempt.’ (Millon, Th., Davis, R. – Personality Disorders in Modern Life – John Wiley and Sons, 2000). Narcissists are simply indifferent, callous and careless in their conduct and in their treatment of others. Their abusive conduct is off-handed and absent-minded, not calculated and premeditated like the psychopath’s.”

    Psychopaths really do not need other people while narcissists are addicted to narcissistic supply (the admiration, attention, and envy of others).

    Millon and Davis (supra) add (p. 299-300):

    “When the egocentricity, lack of empathy, and sense of superiority of the narcissist cross-fertilize with the impulsivity, deceitfulness, and criminal tendencies of the antisocial, the result is a psychopath, an individual who seeks the gratification of selfish impulses through any means without empathy or remorse.”

  • Different Types of Anxiety Disorders

    Anxiety is a common occurrence when a person faces potentially problematic or dangerous situations. It is also felt when a person perceives an external threat. However, chronic and irrational anxiety can lead to a form of anxiety disorder. There are different types of anxiety disorder depending on their causes or triggers.

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    Common forms of anxiety disorders

    Generalized anxiety disorder

    A person who has this type of anxiety disorder usually experience prolonged anxiety that is often without basis. More accurately, people with generalized anxiety disorders cannot articulate the reason behind their anxiety. This type of anxiety usually last for six months and often affect women. Due to the persistence of the anxiety, people affected with generalized anxiety disorder constantly fret and worry. This results to heart palpitations, insomnia, headaches, and dizzy spells.

    Specific phobia

    Unlike someone with generalized anxiety disorder, a person who has a specific phobia experiences extreme and often irrational fear of a certain situation or object. When exposed to the object or situation they fear, people with specific phobias exhibit signs of intense fear like shaking, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, and nausea. Common specific phobias include fear of heights, enclosed spaces, blood, and animals. The fear a person with phobia feels can be so extreme that he or she may disregard safety just to escape the situation.

    Panic disorder

    Also known as Agoraphobia, panic disorders are characterized by recurring panic attacks which are often unexpected. Symptoms are usually shaking, chest pains, dizziness, fear of losing control, and reluctance of being alone. People with panic disorder are aware that their panic is usually unfounded and illogical. This is why they avoid public situations and being alone. A panic attack can be so severe that people may lose control and hurt themselves.

    Social phobia

    Alternatively called social anxiety, a person with social phobia may exhibit similar symptoms like those of panic disorder especially in social situations. Shaking, dizziness, shortness of breath, and heart palpitations may ensue when a person with social phobia finds his or herself at the center of attention or in the company of many people, regardless whether they are strangers or not.

    Obsessive-compulsive disorder

    People with obsessive-compulsive disorder experience anxiety caused by a persistent obsession or idea. They tend to avoid experiencing anxiety by resorting to repetitive actions or behaviors that prevent anxiety. For example, a person who is obsessed about cleanliness may experience anxiety at the mere sight of a vase placed slightly off-center. To prevent anxiety, he or she will clean and organize everything compulsively or without reason.

    PTSD

    Post-traumatic stress disorder may occur after a person experienced a severely traumatic event. He or she may relive the experience in his or her mind which causes stress and anxiety. If a person with PTSD comes into contact with stimuli (any object, person, or situation) that he or she associates with the traumatic event, he or she may literally re-experience the event by crying uncontrollably, panicking, or losing control. Subtler symptoms include insomnia and avoidant behavior. PTSD may manifest itself immediately after the traumatic event or even years after.

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    Determining the type of anxiety disorder a person has is crucial to seeking treatment and recovery. Techniques and methods that are used to help a person cope with a certain anxiety usually target not only the management of symptoms but coping mechanisms when exposed to triggers. Only after thorough diagnosis can treatment and recovery for anxiety disorders really commence.

  • Three Inspirations for Happiness

    The following three inspirations were adapted from A Daily Dose of Happiness, and they represent three key ways to increase our happiness.

    1. FORGIVING FOR HAPPINESS

    We like to think we are better than our friends below us in the food chain, such as the octopus and the snail. After all, we have love. We feel happiness. We have empathy. We have a conscience. We can reason. We can also hold onto grudges.

    Grudges are, in fact, prickly little creatures that worm their way into our hearts. Holding onto them is a self-defeating exercise.

    Fortunately, forgiveness is also uniquely human. Forgiveness cleanses the spirit. Forgiveness let us get on with enjoying our lives instead of being preoccupied with someone else’s. Forgiveness opens the door to happiness.

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    2. SUPPORTING FOR HAPPINESS

    When things seem to be very bleak, it does not take much to lift someone’s spirits. Sometimes all it takes is to let somebody know they are not alone.

    That is why it is so important to smile at people, especially if they look down. And if you know what is weighing the person down, let them know they are not alone. Don’t go burdening them with all your miseries, but let them know you have been there.

    Guess what? You will feel happiness for having helped them, too.

    3. ACCEPTING FOR HAPPINESS

    There is no such thing as happiness if you are not at peace with yourself. Too many people just don’t know how to make peace with themselves.

    Peace begins with acceptance. Whether we agree with everything we do (like the environmentalist who sometimes throws out a recyclable container), it is important to accept what we do.

    Do we always make the best choices? No. But they are the choices we make.

    Do we always treat people with the most respect? No. But it is how we treat people.

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    Can we improve? Yes, and we should. But that is a project for the future. First we must accept who we are now, rather than condemning ourselves. Then we can move to improve the person we will be tomorrow. Both acceptance today and improvements tomorrow will increase our happiness.

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  • Facing your Fears

    To many people, fear is a part of life. Not the typical, well-known and talked about fears like claustrophobia and hypochondria, but the fears that keep you from going after the job you know would make you ecstatically happy.

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    Our own self-esteem issues can keep us from taking steps that could help us make the big step from being a paralegal to a lawyer, or an online writer from penning a book.

    We are often our own worst enemy. Negative self talk keeps us in our comfort zone. The fence that surrounds our comfort zone is our fears. Some fences are bigger than others, but fences nonetheless.

    Take the time to think about what would make you happy. Clue: it is not something you can buy!

    Is it a promotion in the field you are presently in, or something totally different?

    Will it require you to go back to school?

    Is it marriage?

    Start with a written list of exactly what you are looking for; looking for a mate who is a Christian?

    Visit different churches or Church dinners. Life can be just what happens to you; living is those purposeful steps you make to make your passion happen.

    Think about what you are afraid of. Do this when you are alone and can think without interruption. Be honest about your feelings.

    Why are you afraid of that?

    Where do those feelings come from?

    What is the worst that could happen to me if I faced this fear head on?

    Will you die, or will you come out knowing that you faced a fear that will forever change your life?

  • Are we our own Prisoners?

    Imagine a person in a prison. He/she has been imprisoned for life and will wait till death in the prison.

    What can possibly motivate such a person? What do these people look forward to in their lives?

    Sometimes, we are also prisoners of our thoughts and our past deeds. We also have nothing else to look forward to. We only have regrets. At least, we can do something about the conditions, but the prisoners can do nothing. Life can be depressing at times. How to inspire ourselves in such conditions?

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    What is inspiration?

    ‘Inspiration’ the word as it is commonly understood means to experience a state of mind that propels us to work happily, try to achieve goals, and feel good about ourselves and the world.

    How to break open the prison?

    When we are not inspired and can set no goals, we feel that we are so helpless that nothing can be done. The first step would be to try finding stories of people such as Helen Keller who overcame so many difficulties to emerge victorious. That will give us a basic thought that things are not that bad. We will open at least one door of our prison with this thought.

    Then go back in your memory. Try and think of instances when you felt good because of some achievements. It could be something very small. Anything. Like coming first in the class in your second year in school, or getting a good remark from a teacher for an essay or for a math answer. That will break open another door.

    Now begin counting your blessings. Do you have a functioning kidney? Can you see? Can you hear? Can you smell? Are your hands ok and so on. Will you sell your eyes for any price? No! Who said that you have no money? You are a wealthy person who is unaware of your wealth, your blessings, Isn’t it? This will open one more door.

    Break the last door open by thinking of the goals you might want to achieve. Believe that you can do that. Start planning. Think of ways. Talk to people. Be ready for a long struggle but with a firm resolve that you will achieve the goals. This will take you out of the prison of your thinking and make you a new person ready to fight.

    Get set to go ahead. You are a winner in making!

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  • 9 Tips for Handling Public Speaking Questions

    How you handle questions from an audience can often be the deciding factor as to how your presentation is received. If you’re pitching for business, then it’s absolutely vital to handle questions well.

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    1. Be prepared for questions – When you write your presentation, think about what you’re likely to be asked and what your answer is going to be. Maybe you won’t want to answer a particular question there and then, so think about what you’ll say to satisfy the questioner.

    2. Make it clear at the start – You may decide to take questions as you go or at the end of your presentation. Whatever you decide, make it clear at the start and don’t change your mind. I would suggest questions at the end in a short presentation; if you take questions as you go, then your timing will get knocked out. And always remember, an audience won’t forgive you for taking half an hour when you were only scheduled to speak for fifteen minutes.

    3. Never finish with questions – Far better to ask for questions five or ten minutes before the end, deal with the questions and then summarize for a strong finish. Too many presentations finish on questions and the whole thing goes a bit flat – particularly if you don’t get any.

    4. Listen – When asked a question, listen and look like your listening. It may be something you’ve heard a million times before. Treat the questioner with respect and don’t trivialize their point.

    5. Thank the questioner – It’s only polite, it shows respect and it gives you a bit more time to consider your answer.

    6. Repeat the essence of the question – Some people may not have heard the question so your answer may not make any sense to them. It can also be irritating for them not to hear the question. Again, it gives you more time to think of the answer and it makes you look so clever and in control.

    7. Answer to everyone – Don’t fall into the trap of only answering the questioner. If they happen to be near the front then you could end up having a conversation with them and exclude everyone else.

    8. Keep it simple – Many speakers, when it comes to questions, have become more relaxed and the fact that someone is interested enough to ask them a question, leads them to go on too long with the answer – DON’T.

    9. Don’t bluff or bluster – If you don’t know the answer to a question, say so and find out. Suggest to the questioner that you’ll phone them or come and see them with the answer. It can even be a good way to make further contact after the presentation.

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    As we all know, it’s possible that you may not be asked any questions and you then have that awkward silence. People may be thinking about what you’ve just said and may need more time to ask. They may also be a bit shy and may take a few minutes to speak out. Why not have a question of your own prepared and say something like. “You may be asking yourself…?” If you still fail to get any questions then go straight into your summary and closing statement.

    Handling a question and answer session well, demonstrates your professionalism and reflects on your message.

  • Anger in Control

    The mind can create a mysterious atmosphere if everyone has a different source of thinking. We all have our problems, some of us more than others do. Most of us have emotions, which include sadness, anger, joy, and so forth. The trick is learning to deal with it in our own way. Some techniques suggested are logs. Logs are a recorded list of emotions, feelings, expressions, solutions, and problems.

    After sitting around for about a half hour or hour we can look back over our log to see what ignited our fire. It is important to recognize the problem and learn a strategy to deal with it, or else learn to cope with the problem in your own way. If possible, you can look at both sides.

    For example, if Jack angered you then you want to record what Jack did or said to make you upset. A great approach for addressing the problem is confronting Jack in a mild manner if Jack in fact did something justifying your madness.

    Another way to deal with anger is talking you through the madness. Why am I mad? What trip my trigger? What was I thinking when I blew up? Why can I deal with this problem? This is self-talk and it works wonders.

    Talking to a trusted individual is also great for dealing with uncontrolled anger. The problem is you need someone with mental health knowledge. If you are talking to a friend and he or she says something that makes you angry then another problem is in the making. It is important to try hard to control your emotions when you are talking. This will help you to learn self-control if you practice this each time that you talk.

    A great solution is exercise. Exercise has proven to enhance health, the mind, and the body, as well as controlling emotions. If you see that you are about to lose control, take a walk. Go around the block, or even walk three or four blocks. The more you exercise the more it helps. You might also want to go for a bike ride. Paddle until your anger blows through the wind.

    Laughing is another great remedy for relieving anger. If you are angry, try to look at the situation with a sense of humor. For example, I was ready to blow up the world at one point due to an incident and injustice. When I was dealing with it, I literally wrote funnies on paper and laughed uncontrollably at the way I put things in perspective.

    The truth is if you do not control anger, it will control you. If you do not want to exercise, create logs, write, or laugh, then think of this: if you do not take control of your anger one day you are going to blow up at someone and this person is either going to attack back and may be more dangerous than you are, and/or you will be sitting at the local country jail searching for a resource to bail out. Once you get your buns in the criminal system, it is difficult to get out. You might pay your fines, spend some time in jail, hang around the courts for a while, and have someone else telling you what to do while on probation…this might last for a few months or years.

    Now, when you get your mug shot, fingerprints, and other reports you will see during the course of your life that others will constantly judge you as a violent source to society. This can affect your job, family, and life in whole. Now, if anger is a problem, then you need to sit down and take a look at the consequences of your behaviors. If you fail to see consequences then you are in big trouble. Anger is an emotion that we all share. It is how we deal with anger that makes or breaks our lives and controls our level of success. If you have anger issues, you might want to read the many reports that are available, analyze the scientific research for answers, and support to your uncontrolled anger problems.

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  • Audiences Are Your Friend

    For the rank amateur to the ignorant professional, audiences create the same effect no matter how small they are to a speaker. Fear and anxiety.

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    From a single person to a crowd as big as the fans in the Super Bowl, speaking in front of a serious listening audience is the true test and baptism of fire.

    Despite this, audiences are predictable. Audiences listen to you because they want to learn something from the speaker.

    Following this logic, the speaker would do well to follow the strategy of making it informative as well as interesting to listeners to see your speech through till the end.

    Here are some tips on how you can have the audience listen in rapt attention.

    1. Speak according to the listeners’ interests. It is always a good idea to find out what the crowd you are speaking to is interested in. For example, if you have more teenagers in the crowd, you don’t really want to talk about your subject in a way that bores them, like good education. Other aspects to consider would be the local culture, age, sports, religious inclinations, etc. Talk about what’s important to them, something they can easily relate to without a stretch of imagination.

    2. Praise the audience. Audiences are human too, and each and every one of them has a need to be acknowledged as much as you want to be acknowledged for speaking well in front of them. There is only one requirement for this maxim, that your praise be one hundred percent sincere. Anything less and you’ll have resentment in your hands.

    3. Connect with the audience. Find a common thread that makes the audience relate to you, and you’ll find that the speech will come through really well. Finding a common thread humanizes you and the speech. It makes them want to listen to you because it may in some way be of great benefit to them.

    4. Have the audience participate. Get somebody to come onstage and participate in a demonstration. Ask questions to the audience. Get feedback. Encourage them to walk up to the microphone and give you a piece of their mind. The point is to involve the audience, once more, making it more real to them. Taking them along with you in your experience.

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    5. Less you, more them. Play yourself down. Nobody, especially an audience, likes to be lectured to. This will cause resentment that will last a long time. Never feel that you are above them. The better way to think about your audience would be that you care about their welfare. Think of yourself as their best friend, and more often than not, this will hold you in good stead.

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  • Committing to Your Goals

    Have you ever set a goal and not achieved it? Most people have. In fact, it’s quite common for people to get stuck in an endless cycle of setting goals and then quitting them shortly afterwards – and accomplishing nothing at all.

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    Why do people do this? One of the biggest reasons is a lack of commitment to their goal. Without commitment a goal will gradually shrink in importance, and the temptation to quit will seem much more attractive, especially when obstacles cause setbacks and delays.

    On the other hand, if you make a serious commitment and then continually remind yourself of it, you’ll be much more likely to persevere and achieve the goal.

    Here’s how to commit to your goals:

    1) First and foremost, you have to make sure that every goal you set is of VITAL importance to you. This can be tricky because we so often fool ourselves into thinking we want one thing when we want something entirely different. Take some time with this part of the process, and be sure that you get to the heart of what you really want. Why do you want it? What will it do for you? What positive things will it bring to your life? How will it help you? How will it make you feel when it’s accomplished?

    Write all of this down and keep it handy so you can refer to it as often as necessary if you feel your commitment beginning to slip.

    Also ask yourself if your goal is worth the effort and sacrifice that will be needed to achieve it. If you can honestly answer yes, you are on the way!

    2) Think about what will happen if you don’t follow through. Would nothing much happen if you don’t achieve your goal? If not, then you need to raise the stakes! You have to make your goal the most important thing in the world, and if you don’t do it, you’ll deal with negative consequences. Even if you have to indulge in a bit of “make believe” in order to do this, do it. For example, play up the fact that you’ll lose respect for yourself if you don’t follow through; or you might agree to give up something you love if you don’t make it happen.

    3) Then, each and every day, renew your commitment. It’s easy to be committed to your goal when it is new and your motivation is high, but you need to be able to STAY committed – no matter what! Each day when you awaken, read through the goal you wrote down on the first day, and stress again how vitally important it is to you. Promise yourself that you’re going to do as much as you can to work on your goal that day, and every day until you achieve it.

    When it comes right down to it, no one can achieve your goals for you. If you want to achieve them, you’ll have to find the determination necessary to keep going. Inactivity and procrastination are usually nothing more than bad habits. Turning those habits into something more positive and productive is as simple as taking it a day at a time and working your hardest to change your life. The more committed and determined you are to making your goal happen, the more likely you’ll do just that.

  • What is Creativity?

    In England, September represents the end of Summer and the beginning of Autumn as well as the start of the new school year and the start of many new initiatives in business, life and lots more besides.

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    When anyone is looking to make any kind of change in their life, often the approach they take needs to become attractive or appealing in order for them to maintain it and often it may not remain attractive or appealing for as long as we like. I get lots of people that tell me that they find it difficult to maintain enthusiasm or keep on investing the required levels of energy in order to make a real success of a project or a goal.

    So, for that reason, I want to talk about enhancing creativity today. When you become more creative, you can begin to make more out of your every day experiences and perceptions of what it is that you are doing, you can make life more colourful and have more fun and joy when you are more creative.

    So what actually is Creativity?

    Good question. We can all be creative; creativity is about making new connections – and that is literally physiologically true within our neurology. Creativity is the mind’s growing edge. It often involves a lot of discovery. By creating new connections you build your brain power and develop mental and interpersonal flexibility which can begin to heighten your ability to do a huge array of things with more and more ease.

    Imagine this: every time you link two things together, you create a third entity. That new connection can itself then connect with other ideas, additional possibilities. Imagine the impact this can have throughout a system like your brain!

    Neil Armstrong first stepped onto the moon in 1965. That event changed our beliefs and thoughts about the universe. It also altered thoughts and beliefs about human inventiveness and skill: this event helped us to recognize that if we want something enough, we can find ways to do something that we may have believed to be impossible before. I reckon this gave many people some powerful and liberating thoughts and beliefs about human capability.

    Being creative on an individual level has the same potential: when you connect things together, you go beyond both of them; and you have the possibility of forming new beliefs about yourself and your potential. I remember when I was first learning about NLP, hypnosis and my other beloved subjects, I was so excited, I would read so much material that I felt like my brain was literally growing and stretching. That’s not too scary is it?

    I love working with children. They have such a vivid imagination, I can remember when I used to play football for hours and days on end as a youngster, I was not just imagining scoring in the World Cup final, I really was actually there at the stadium scoring that goal, I am telling you I was there!

    Children are amazingly creative, each of us has been a child (some still are!). Children show their creativity in the way they discover their environment and make their own meanings of it. Many children create new worlds while playing with toys, they don’t need elaborate or sophisticated toys, equipment or props, the meaning comes from within them; the meaning comes from out of themselves.

    You need to give yourself permission and time (and energy) to make new connections and links which is what creativity is all about. It is about the process rather than the outcome or the final product. You can be creative at home or at work, when changing habits, updating behaviours, resolving issues, or just making life happier in any way you can. You can be creative with words, ideas, thoughts, materials, food and the kind of fun you have. You can be creative with your surroundings or with your internal world.

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    In addition to this, creativity creates something new. That’s right, even if every ingredient is already known to you or is familiar. An insight for example, is creative because the new conclusion is gleaned from information you already had; it is the new perspective that makes the difference.

    Above all, being creative returns us to that state where we are scoring goals in World Cup finals. It is about being absorbed and enjoying doing what you are doing, paying attention to detail, having a grand vision, being excited and playful, wondering what would happen if…

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