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Trust is something we learn as very small babies. We trust the first person that we bond with and it grows from there. Have you ever noticed how cool kids are? They trust every little thing we say. They rarely question us when we tell them something.
Believing our every word and why not? They have not been exposed to mistrust yet, not that they would recognize it at such an early age.
Then they get older and come in contact with other children. This is when relationships begin, seperate from the familiar family relationships that they have grown to know as “normal”. They begin to compare lifestyles with their friends and for some, this is when the first mistrust begins.
They find out that it is not normal to be touched by people in their private parts. They find out that it is not normal to be beaten for doing something wrong. They find out that it is not normal to not be fed for a day or even two. They find that it is not normal to watch their dad hit their mom. They find lies, which gives birth to MISTRUST.
Their lives turn an entire chapter at that point. They grow up somehow; suffering through the pain and loneliness of living with mistrust. For some, they rise above it and use it as a learning tool. For others they become it; mistrusting everyone and everything. A small number of those people seek help and spend many hours and a great deal of energy trying to conquer it.
Then, we have our jobs, we trust immediately anyone that has been there longer or that comes off as knowing more than us. We trust our bosses and our co-workers.
It is natural to trust as if we were babies all over again. With any new venture, we yearn to trust.
When we first fall in love; What is that saying, “Love is Blind”? Ha! Now that’s funny, because it really is blind. We trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set ourselves up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it because we are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is trusting someone just a happier, easier, way of life.
Once a trust is breached, it creates a scar that has it’s own heart and never goes away. We just learn to ignore its beat. We try to reorganize our minds and put it on the farthest burner we have. Some of us can do just that, while others cannot. For them life is not so easy. They find themselves thinking, should I trust or not? It’s like they have to find proof and reason to trust, because their minds already mistrust. This is similar to the term “Guilty until proven innocent”. For anyone out there that can relate to that, and I am sure there are many of you that do just that, life is hell.
If, lets say we love someone and they tell us one thing, and we keep getting mixed signals that stir up our mistrust thoughts, where do we go with that? Books tell us, that we are to trust the ones we love and that’s it. And then, if our trust gets breached, and only then, can we be accurate with our mistrust. “Blah” I say! Oh and we’re also told at the same time to trust our gut feelings. OK, I admit confusion here. I know this subject is really going to cut like a knife for some people and I will apologize now, but we have to deal with the reality of our lives.
How else are we going to tackle our insecurities and get stronger? Our goal is to have a somewhat happy life. One that we can talk about to our grandchildren. We have to open our eyes and know what is going on in our world. If your relationship has had a breach of trust or if you have experienced mistrust earlier in your lives, then you already have a reason to feel insecure. Now that you know that, you can start to build upon that. Now you need to identify the exact core of it and toss it. It’s old news and it’s over.
Start a whole new life as if being born again (for lack of a better phrase). I hear you already saying, “Easier said than done”. I totally agree, but how many times have I said, “Anything worth having, does not come easy”? The answer is MANY. Life is not easy. We have to earn all our happiness. I have noticed, and I am guilty of this myself, that we are waiting for our lives to be happy. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about happiness and if I have realized anything at all, its that happiness is in you and your thinking and how you deal with every little thing.
To Trust or Not to Trust is in our control. If we choose not to trust, we open the door to all sorts of evil demons, such as jealousy, low self-esteem, anxiety, envy, selfishness, self-torture, worry, loneliness, and just plain unhappiness. So when we feel that, “Trust or not trust” debate lurking in our minds, choose to not allow your mind to go that direction.
Tell yourself, that you are an intelligent person and you know what is right and what is wrong right now. It is now that you are living, not then, or the past. We are very good at deciding what we want to eat, right? Or where we want to go on vacation and spend tons of our hard-earned money. So then why is it so hard for us to just change our train of thought? Let me tell you…HABITS!
Bad habits, and for any of you that have read my HABITS articles, then you know what I mean. So go back and read it again and again. I believe that if one really wants to change something, it CAN be changed. “Let your thoughts determine your goals and your goals determine your destiny” (something like that). We are all destined to be happy. We just have to focus on our goals.
Feeling mistrust definitely has been caused by something in our lives. We may never figure it out and some of us have already figured their reasons out. But for whatever the reason, it is a negative emotion and one we can surely do without. Work on it, then work on more trust and more love.
When we can trust, love comes naturally and that always invites happiness. So there you have it! I have given you the steps; it is your responsibility to you to climb them. Again I have shared my thoughts with all of you. I would love to hear your thoughts, on anything I have shared with you here.
I take responsibility for my life.
I have the power to make things better.
I always have a choice. -
Think about it, every single thing we do is intended to make us happier.
And yet sometimes we get diverted and do things that actually move us away from this goal.
We all have the potential for genuine happiness. There is no gene or DNA marker that determines who will be happy and who will not. We make choices throughout our lives, and the result of all these choices combined determines our level of happiness. Make the right choices and happiness can be yours.
Here are just a sampling of some of the tactics we can employ in an 11-point roadmap to help guide us toward genuine happiness:
1. Look for the positive in everything
There is an old saying that nothing is inherently good or bad—what makes it one or the other, is merely your reaction to it. Find the positive and you will be happier. Those who soar against all odds, do so because they look at the positive that could come out of their situation, however bad it may seem to others.
2. Accentuate the positive
We all grow up with a “positivity imbalance”—the result of society’s norms and rules being based on restriction and punishment more than approval and reward. From a young age, we are taught what we must not do instead of what we may do. Even in day-to-day life, there is a more negative influence than positive. Luckily you can work to improve the balance.
Celebrate the positive and work to get more of it. When you achieve something, congratulate yourself! Look for things you find uplifting, that make you happy. Get more of that! At the same time, reduce your exposure to negative input, whether it is the daily news or people you don’t feel good around. You know your buttons, make sure the positive ones are pushed more than the negative.
3. Practice good selfishness
When we were young we were taught that putting our interests before those of others is wrong. This is particularly true for women, many of whom sacrifice their dreams and ambitions to help others achieve theirs. It is also common in the corporate world where the good of the company is considered more important than the good of the individual. It is good to help others, yet we should have boundaries to protect ourselves from being manipulated or abused by others. You are important, and if you don’t look after yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, you cannot expect anyone else to do so.
4. Listen to your feelings
All feelings are good. Every feeling occurs for a reason: it is delivering a message. Sometimes that message is pleasant, other times not. Our tendency is to distract ourselves from unpleasant feelings, often through smoking, drinking, or drugs of one kind or another. When you feel bad, avoid distracting yourself, and identify the reason—there is some need not being met.
5. Give of yourself
The more you give, the more you receive. There is probably no scientific study proving this to be so, but unconditional giving is hugely rewarding. It seems that the more of yourself you give, the greater the thrill and uplifting effect on your psyche. Help the needy. Give time if you can. Give anonymously, even if you lose the tax deduction!
6. Make it happen
You have the ability to make things happen using your mind. Top sports stars and business people use it, and so can you. There are many ways of doing this; one of the common methods is to use visualization—getting a picture in your mind of whatever it is that you want to happen. It does not actually have to be a visual picture; it could be a feeling, a smell, a sound, or any combination of the senses. Imagine finding the perfect parking near the entrance as you arrive at the supermarket or mall. The sky is the limit, but persevere! We are not used to utilizing this tool, so it takes practice.
7. Accept the things you cannot change
We resist things we don’t like and often expend a tremendous amount of energy on this resistance. Whilst this can be good and has resulted in tremendous advances through history, we should work to understand those things we cannot change, and then move on. Rather use the saved energy on something more worthwhile and productive. This is not to say that you should complacently accept anything. If you truly desire change, you should work towards that change; but spending time worrying about something without actively working to change it is unproductive and damaging to your wellbeing.
8. Take responsibility for your choices
Everything that you do, or don’t do, is because of the choices you make (or don’t make). It is easier and convenient to blame outside causes for things that go wrong in life, but your life is the sum of all the choices you make along the way—sometimes that choice is to let somebody else make a choice on your behalf. If you tend to blame other people or things, it may be scary to take responsibility for what happens in your life, but it is really quite liberating because instead of seeing yourself as an effect of outside forces, you realize you are the cause of everything good you achieve. Don’t abdicate responsibility for your life.
9. Schedule regular “self-time”
Spend some time analyzing where you are in life, your strengths and weaknesses. How can you turn the latter into the former? Think about your views on everything from your job to global warming and the existence of aliens—then work out why you feel the way you do. Is your reasoning sound? The better you understand yourself, the better you understand the world.
10. Make time to meditate
We spend almost all our time thinking of the past or planning for the future. We seldom spend time in the present. It has reached a point where, for most of us, it seems impossible to keep our focus on what is happening right now. Your meditation could be formal meditation or prayer, but it could be as simple as merely focusing on each breath as it goes in and out for five or ten minutes, dismissing past and future thoughts as they arise—and they will!
11. Remove your limitations
When we fail, usually the reason is simply that we don’t believe we are able or worthy of whatever it is that we fail to achieve. Most often, this belief is actually false; the result of negative programming received since childhood. The truth is that most of us are able to do most of what we really want to do – you just have to believe. The best way to start is with small things, working your way up as you notice the limits dissolving.
The more successful you are at assimilating the concepts and processes described in these eleven points into your life, the more genuinely happy you will be, and the happiness will last!
Additional Resource
Are you ready to take yourself to the next level? Find 101 ways that can work as a launchpad. Here is the book that delivers these 101 Nuggets.
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Changing our day-to-day behaviors may be easier than previously imagined. By meditating on and repeating motivational and inspirational quotes, we are better prepared to change our thought patterns, behaviors and in turn, change our lives.
Here’s how it’s done.
If we believe something to be easy, we find little, if any struggle in accomplishing it. However, if we imagine something to be difficult to accomplish, then our struggle becomes more apparent. In fact, if we imagine that it is difficult to change a specific behavior, then we will always find experiences that will justify that belief.
Take this for example. We wake up one morning and decide that:
“This is the day I start losing weight. When things get difficult, I will not reach for junk food, but instead I will focus on something else to keep my mind occupied. It’ll be tough at first, but I’m going to give it a try.”
If you continue with this thought pattern and belief, don’t be surprised to find yourself struggling more often than not. Why?
If we look at this example closely we find a couple of thought patterns and beliefs already in place. We have determined to do something good for ourselves, but we do ourselves a disservice by choosing certain negative thought patterns, beliefs and words that go along with it.
We have said,
“When things get difficult….”
(This is already assuming that there will be difficult moments! Strike one!)“It’ll be tough at first…”
(This is already assuming it will be difficult at first! Strike two!)“…but I’m going to give it a try.”
(Remember the movie “The Karate Kid”…”There is no “try”, there is only “do”. Strike three!)Now there are hundreds of products out there that will assist people in losing weight. Some, if not all of them, may work for various people at various stages of their goal. But for many people who have convinced themselves that losing weight is difficult, some products may fall short when our thought patterns are stronger than our desire to change.
Here is something that a friend of mine have done to change a behavior she no longer desired.
She recently lost 20lbs in about 12 weeks. She didn’t like the way she looked, felt or even thought for that matter. She needed to change and take some action towards it.
First, she realized that she had to change the way of thinking about losing weight. Her old thought patterns were no longer working for her. Her thoughts were like little tiny pictures that projected in her mind of how heavy she was. She no longer wanted these pictures or thought patterns a part of her life. She had to choose a thought pattern and belief that would be easier to think about.
She chose this thought,
“Losing weight is easier than I thought.”
Perhaps not the most ideal for everyone but it worked for her.
Secondly, she chose a word she wanted to focus on for that day, week or month to help her in accomplishing the goal (Start with just a day, or just an hour for that matter. Keep it simple.) The word she chose needed to be in relation to the change she want to make. For example, she chose the word “FOCUS”, as she felt that that’s what she needed to think about most of time; focusing more on losing weight than gaining it. Choose any word as long as it relates to your situation. (Attitude, Energy, Action, Believe…)
Following that, she scoured the Internet for motivational and inspirational quotes that resonated within her that related to that specific word she chose. Quotes that she could remember, especially ones that really spoke to what she wanted to accomplish.
But here’s the most important part.
She needed quotes that were powerful enough to change her thought patterns the moment she read them. Quotes that REALLY spoke to her when her eyes fell upon them. Quotes that forced her to pause and think for a moment. Quotes that had that extra “edge” where her mind said, “Yes. This is one.”
These are all signs of a quote that held power for her. She “focused” in on the following quotes.
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.” Buddha
“The only way to discover the limits of the possible, is to go beyond them into them impossible.” Arthur C. Clarke
“It’s not what you achieve in the end that matters, it’s who you become in the process.” Author Unknown
In fact, she found dozens of quotes that she resorted to from time to time, but these three she always came back to. They spoke of who she was, what she wanted to accomplish and who she wanted to become as she worked towards her goal.
She wrote them down. She carried these quotes with her constantly. She read them and meditated on them whenever she had the opportunity to. At work, home or at the gym, she focused on these three powerful quotes to help her FOCUS on what she wanted.
Because she changed her thought patterns, over time, she can honestly say she is 20 lbs lighter and a whole lot happier. she can honestly say she is 20 lbs lighter and a whole lot happier. Yes, she’ll be the first to admit that accomplishing the goal involved more than just thinking but it all began with her thoughts. The thoughts then permeated into her actions.
Here are the three steps again:
- Decide to change your way of thinking about a behavior, making it easier for you to think about it. Phrase it in a simple way.
- Choose a word to focus on to change that behavior for a period of time.
- Find a minimum of three motivational or inspirational quotes related to that specific word that are powerful enough to change your current thought patterns the moment you read them. Meditate on them and repeat them, silently or out loud, every chance you get.
Be patient. Stick with it. Give it some time.
Why do you think companies offer a 30-day money back guarantee? They know that if you do something for 30 days it becomes a habit and you no longer need to return it! (Learned something, huh?) Give it time.
The first step to what you want to accomplish is changing your mind and the thought patterns and beliefs associated with your behavior. Thoughts are the precursor to action, meaning that thoughts occur before any action takes place. That’s what needs to be changed first. Your thoughts.
I hope this inspires and motivates you to achieve your goal.
Think positive.
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Checklists are the greatest way to get organized for any occasion. Most of us make a grocery list before going to the store, why not make a list for everything else in life? The benefits greatly outweigh the time that it may take to make one. The more checklists that you make, the quicker you will get at it. Following is some general ideas for checklists:
Checklist for everyday
Start your mornings by making a list of all the things that you need to accomplish each day. Carry it with you and mark each item off when completed. This will give a great feeling of accomplishment and closure.
Household maintenance
Develop a household maintenance list divided into months. Every month may have a day to change the filter on your central air unit. Check the list a few months in advance to see if you need to schedule specific maintenance people to do a job for you.
Weekly cleaning list
A weekly cleaning list should be developed and hung on the wall for everyone to see. Beside each job include the person’s name that is accountable for the job that week. Make sure they mark off the job when completed.
Car Maintenance checklist
Schedule times when you need to make appointments for an oil change and general car maintenance.
Developing checklists for your life will go a long way in reducing stress. Having a list will also make it easier to assign tasks to other people in your household. The great thing about these checklists is they can all be stored on your computer and printed out as needed. Or if you prefer, create a special binder for all of your checklists. Once you start making checklists, you will wonder how you ever lived without them.
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Adolescent depression or teenage depression is a disorder that occurs during the teenage years characterized by constant sadness, loss of self-worth, discouragements, and loss of interest in normal activities. Adolescent depression can be a passing response to many situations and stresses and depressed mood is common because of the normal maturation process, the stress connected with it, the influence of sex hormones, and the “independence” differences with parents.
Adolescent depression can also be a response to a disturbing event, such as breakup of girlfriend or boyfriend, death of a friend or relative, or failure at school. Teenagers who have low self-confidence are highly self-critical and feel a little sense of control over negative incidents, and they are specifically at risk to becoming depressed when they go through stressful experiences.
Real depression in teenagers is most of the time difficult to identify because their normal behavior is marked by both up and down moods, with irregular periods of feeling “the world is a great place” and “life sucks”. These types of mood may alternate over a period of hours or days.
Unrelenting depressed moods, failing relationship with family and friends, uncertain school performance, substance abuse, and other negative behavior may signify a serious depressive episode. These symptoms maybe identified easily but adolescent depression often manifests very diversely than these classic symptoms of depression.
Too much sleeping, change in eating habits, and even criminal behavior such as shoplifting, may be signs of depression. Another common warning sign of adolescent depression is an obsession with death that may take the form of either fears about death and dying or suicidal thoughts.
About fifteen to twenty percent of American teens have experienced a severe episode of depression, which is like the percentage of adults suffering from depression. Long-term depressive disorder generally has its beginning in the young adult years.
Adolescent girls are twice as prone to experience depression. Contributing risk factors include stressful life events such as child abuse, both physical and sexual; loss of a parent to death or divorce; chronic illness; unstable care-giving, poor social skills; and family history of depression. It is also linked with eating disorders.
Symptoms of adolescent depression include:
- Temper or agitation
- Depressed or irritable mood
- Reduced pleasure in daily activities
- Inability to enjoy activities which used to be enjoyable
- Excessive daytime sleepiness
- Change in appetite
- Usually loss of appetite but sometimes an increase
- Change in weight
- Unintentional weight gain or loss
- Fatigue
- Difficulty making decisions
- Preoccupation with self
- Difficulty concentrating
- Acting-out behavior
- Excessive or inappropriate feelings of guilt
- Memory loss episodes
- Feelings of worthlessness
- Self-hatred or sadness
- Excessive irresponsible behavior pattern
- And plans to commit suicide or actual suicide attempt.
If symptoms are continuing for at least two weeks and cause considerable sorrow or difficulty functioning, treatment should be sought. Treatments are similar to those of depressed adults and include psychotherapy and antidepressant medications. Seeking professional help for suitable treatment is required.
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1. WORK WITH THE END IN MIND
Beginning with the end in mind is the endowment of imagination . If you are the programmer, write the program, says, goal expert – Stephen R. Covey. Goals help us to focus, and the quality of our attention is enhanced by a having a project so cool and interesting that we can’t help but make a leap. Let’s say, you want to organize your workspace so that everyone is inspired to do their best work. The in-between steps: like ergonomic concerns & planning comfortable lighting, in-and-of itself can seem mundane, but joined together they name a bigger accomplishment and by doing so, asks us to spice up our expectations & upgrade who we are.
Focus on success & keep in mind how you want things to end up. And soon enough you’ll be successful.
- Name the accomplishment
- Give your project a title
- What needs to be done by when
- How would you like things to end up
- Identify upbeat reasons for pursuing the goal
2. RAISE THE BAR
Define greatness, challenge the limits, double the goal, or try something new. These are just some of the sentiments that put our plans into action and move us towards revolutionary results. Look around and witness the very essence of commonplace activities being tested and re-imagined. Such as schools re-defining Physical Education by bringing in activities ranging from kickboxing to more esoteric offerings like tai chi and yoga.
And with the introduction of Blogs, an international conversation is in full swing with millions of links and a central clearing house inspired by immediacy, intrigue and tension. Raising the bar on a project can simply mean taking one extra step, having an allegiance to a weird idea, or devoting to a regular practice.
Commit to a goal in a meaningful way, personalize it & make it your own, and then watch an otherwise sleepy project wake up and give way to a new found energy, creativity and distinction. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.
- Double the goal
- Challenge the limits
- Create a regular practice
- Raise your standards,values or beliefs
- Make it a game
3. GO THE PATH OF LEAST RESISTANCE
Sometimes a goal deserves a break. Time Magazine reported that after 8 hours of sleep you’d be more than twice as likely to find a shortcut for solving a problem. Suggesting that taking it easy is good for the brain, and what’s good for the brain is good for the overall psyche and soul.
Are you doing too much, not getting nourished and being exhausted? Well perhaps its time to consider another path. Don’t re-invent the wheel. Pick up a book written by an expert, join a group that’s geared around your project, sign up for an informational newsletter , or ask someone to buddy up & help. For instance, if I was writing a screen-play and struggling with a self imposed deadline, I could simplify my project just by signing up for a writing class. Working with weekly writing tasks & in-class exercises alone would expedite the development of my script.
Another over looked shortcut is to consider smaller steps. The smaller the increments, the easier the goal. Deng Ming-Dao, writes in Everyday Tao An inch in one direction, then an inch in another already makes a span of 2 inches. Gradually we can improve on that. Go the path of least resistance, it’s a gift of energy.
- Don’t reinvent the wheel-find someone who’s done it before
- Slow down or change the pace
- Keep to minimum daily standards
- Write everything down–loose ideas vs. lost ideas
- The smaller the increments the easier the goal
BONUS RESOURCE: Staying Motivated
Staying motivated and keeping others motivated is a big but essential task. Learn how to beat the lifelong process of continuously motivating by adapting a new perspective of what is motivation. Here is the resource to find it out:
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Chances are, if you’re not very successful at dealing with people, you haven’t had the chance to properly educate yourself. Learning to deal with people is like learning to walk except it requires a lot more work!
Now imagine if your whole life you had been taught to walk backwards. Would this make your life much more difficult? Of course it would. Just like anything else, you need to learn exactly how to interact with people the proper way.
Here we go: here are the 12 dirty habits you should always avoid when interacting with people.
Dirty Habit #1 – Looking down at the floor when speaking to someone
You must learn to look at someone directly in their eyes when speaking to them. If you were taught that staring at people was impolite, you’re absolutely right. However, this does not mean you can’t look at someone in his or her eyes.
Dirty Habit #2 – Slouching when you’re standing or sitting down
Stand up straight. In our society, being tall is a good thing. When you slouch you appear much shorter. Not only will standing straight make you look taller but it will also give you a confident look.
Dirty Habit #3 –Frowning and not smiling enough
No one likes to spend time with someone who’s in a bad mood. If you’re not feeling too great then try to keep your distance. People love to spend time with upbeat, optimistic people. Make an effort to smile, not frown.
Dirty Habit #4 – Avoiding strangers
Since the day you were born, your parents have taught you never to speak to strangers. Well, you’re a grown up now and things have changed. In order to develop exceptional people skills you need to be comfortable speaking to all types of people. You need to meet as many people as you can.
Dirty Habit #5 – Making a poor first impression
Did you know that people will judge almost everything about you just by your first impression? Make an initial effort to get along with the person you are meeting and you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble in the future.
Dirty Habit #6 – Not making an effort to speak well
In order to develop great people skills you need to become a great conversationalist. This doesn’t mean you need to speak a lot; this means you need to speak well. You need to articulate and choose your words wisely. Basically, you need to listen to what you’re saying and not just blabber on about whatever you feel like.
Dirty Habit #7 – Not being a good listener
Have you ever noticed how you tend to fall into a mind drift as soon as the other person begins to speak? Okay, well if you really don’t care about the person, then fine. But if you do, make an effort to listen and let the person speak. It will only help you further on in the conversation.
Dirty Habit #8 – Not staying in touch with your acquaintances
To make sure you have the best relationships with all of the people you know, you must stay in touch with them. You need to regularly check your contact list and remind them all that you still exist. I’m not saying to call them up twice a week but an occasional check up is always nice.
Dirty Habit #9 – Not being proactive
When there is not enough action and things are looking dull, it’s up to you to make a move. If you aren’t satisfied with the current situation don’t blame others, do something about it! Let’s face it: no one really cares if you’re unhappy, except maybe your mom…
Dirty Habit #10 – Not enjoying your social life
If you want people to enjoy your company, you need to let them know that you’re a fun person to spend time with. If you’re a hard worker, then I congratulate you! However, you need to occasionally go out and be known for your excellent night outs! Go out and live your life to the fullest!
Dirty Habit #11 – Not facing your fears
Actually, this relates to all aspects of your life but in this context I’m talking about meeting new people, career promotions, etc. If you need to do something logical but your emotions are getting in the way, then you need to analyze the situation and use some common sense.
Dirty Habit #12 – Refusing to be open minded
There are all kinds of people out there. There are different religions, different races, different cultures, and different languages. Learn to accept others for who they are not who you want them to be. Give them your full respect and work out your differences unless of course you aren’t receiving the respect you deserve.
There you go! 12 dirty habits to always avoid if you really want to develop exceptional people skills! If you’re prepared to learn if you carry the people skills traits or how to develop them in your personality, get your handwriting analysis today.
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It may sound hard to believe, but experts say that your personality can actually cause you stress. To a certain extent, your personality might have been determined at birth. However, there are certain characteristics that you might have developed over the years that are now contributing to your stress level. While one cannot change his or her personality overnight, it is certainly possible to change certain habits that may now be causing you stress.
To begin with, you should ask yourself if you have low self-esteem. Do you feel as if you are inferior to other people? Do you constantly berate yourself for your faults? Do you consider yourself to be the sum total of your mistakes? There is evidence to suggest that low self-esteem can lead to stressful situations. The problem is that you may be putting stress on yourself unnecessarily. Therefore, what you need to do is to begin to enhance your self-esteem. This begins by ending the “negative talk” that goes on inside your head. Instead of focusing on your weaknesses, form a list of your strengths.
You might also want to list all of your major accomplishments. You might be amazed to discover just how much you have achieved. Whenever you feel the urge to downgrade yourself, think of your attributes. This should serve to end the litany of your failures which you may be repeating to yourself.
Asking meaningful questions to yourself can also lead to discovery of what is affecting you. Discover the 99 questions that can help you realize the superhuman in you reading 99 Questions to Self .
Stress can also be the result of being overburdened. Do you take on too much? Are you dealing with too much responsibility? While there are certain responsibilities at home, at work, and at school that we must carry, at times we may be overextending ourselves.
List your major responsibilities and see if there is a way for you to whittle down the list. You might be surprised to learn just how much you have taken on. With a little bit of planning, you might be able to shift some of your responsibilities to other members of your household or to your co-workers. Be sure to talk with your mate and your boss if your stress level seems out of control. Together, you can work on strategies to reduce the amount of stress you feel.
Let’s face it. Some of us are control freaks. We feel as if we need to control every detail within our line of sight. If you fall into this category, you may be experiencing stress because of your controlling nature. You may also find that this weakness is negatively impacting your personal life, causing you to feel additional stress in your relationships.
In order to combat this tendency, try practicing the old adage, “Let Go”. Recognize that there are certain things that are simply beyond your control. The sooner you recognize this, the better off you’ll be, and the less stress you will feel.
Another prime cause of stress is fear, especially fear of the unknown. You may be fearful of making mistakes or of being judged harshly. In order to counteract this, you must recognize that everyone commits errors—even major league baseball players! You must also learn to forgive yourself for your faults—otherwise, you will be putting yourself under a tremendous amount of stress. Follow the motto: Do your best and let nature take care of the rest. Try not to agonize over every little thing. In addition, learn to get over the guilt of not being perfect. Otherwise, your stress level is likely to consistently hit the roof.
You have to realize that recognizing your faults is half the battle. Once you know what personal foibles you need to work on, you’ll be in a better position to reduce your stress. Realize that it took you a long time to develop such personality flaws, so it might take some time to eliminate them. In other words, don’t expect to radically change your personality in a week. However, with the proper amount of diligence, you can alter those aspects of your personality that are causing you grief. Once you eliminate these flaws, you should feel more energetic, less stressed, and better able to take on the world. And you may just find your blood pressure decreasing as well.
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Anger management programs offer the individual plenty of information regarding techniques and strategies for dealing with anger. Is there anger management therapy available for those who feel the need to take their treatment a step further?
In the early 1970’s, a psychiatrist named Aaron T. Beck, M.D, developed an anger management therapy focusing on problem-solving. This therapy initially called Cognitive Therapy is now also known as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy or CBT. Beck worked with patients for years using his psychiatric knowledge but was burdened to see his patient’s treatment making only slow progress. Beck wanted to use a more intense approach to anger management therapy.
Cognitive Therapy is a form of anger management therapy which helps a person to correct or change specific details in their thinking. These details, involving negative feelings, will likely lead to anger and cause behavioral problems.
Beck realized that it is during the thinking process, negative thoughts are formed which lead to changes in emotions and behavior. If an individual could be treated at this stage, helping them to change their way of thinking, then they would see changes in their emotions and behavioral pattern.
Using strategies and techniques such as relaxation training and assertiveness training, CBT has proven to be a relatively fast method of providing an individual with relief and allowing them to experience freedom through endurance.
Cognitive Therapy has proven to be the most effective type of psychological treatment. Its popularity has spread worldwide and is used by many qualified professionals to treat individuals with behavioral difficulties such as anger. Literature about CBT is widely available and there is training in CBT provided for professionals.
Many people who suffer with anger-related issues avoid therapy. Some think they don’t need it and others see it as a sign of weakness. The opposite can actually be said of an individual who seeks anger management therapy. They are strong and determined, willing to take whatever measures necessary to make positive changes in their life.
When a person gets to the point where they can admit they need anger management therapy, it is essential to find a therapist who makes them feel comfortable. It is important to be able to communicate easily with a therapist since this is the person who will help reshape the individual’s life. Building a trusting relationship with their therapist is vital when an individual is committed to therapy, no matter how long it takes.
Being able to share emotions, whether good or bad, is important in anger management therapy. It is through sharing and trusting that a person begins to discover things about themselves. Once these discoveries are revealed, an individual will begin to work on making changes in their thoughts and emotions which will lead to positive changes in their lives.
Anger management therapy may seem tough initially but with a trusting therapist, an individual will certainly make progress. This relationship between the individual and their therapist provides a safety zone, a place where they can feel free to disclose their innermost thoughts and inhibitions. Exploring underlying feelings of these thoughts will eventually provide the tools necessary for success.
Anger management therapy, either CBT or meeting regularly with a therapist, is definitely beneficial for people striving to work through anger-related issues. Choosing anger management therapy is a big step and requires the support and encouragement from family and friends.
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Manhardeep Singh 