We all know it is not possible to roll back time or undo or change bad decisions we made in the past,however using meditation we can change the way we feel about the bad decisions we made in the past so that they will stop tormenting us here in the present.
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Inquisitive souls often find new tools that help them improve their personal life. The old saying, “Curiosity can kill the cat,” is something you want to re-evaluate. Sure, if you become curious of something that would obviously cause you harm, then the cat just might die. Curiosity is a gift. We can use this gift to our advantage if we choose, or we can make serious judgments that cause problems.
As you learn to use your inquisitive tools to your best interest, you will start to focus your attention on the good things in life. Most people walk around looking only at the shallow light of our creation, products and so on. instead of using a shallow mind, open your mind up to new horizons. An open mind however is not doing what is bad, rather opening your mind up to doing what is right. Too many times, I hear people say they have open minds, but often the minds are open to sexual deviations and nothing more or less. This is not a way to improve your life. Rather, you need to clean your mind of unhealthy actions, behaviors, images, etc, and start developing positive reflections.
Once you start to focus your attention you can move to change. You have to be willing to make changes to make it happen. Most people fear the unknown. To improve your life however you must not allow the unknown to scare you. The unknown just might be something that works in your favor. In fact, if you want to improve your life, you will start to welcome the unknown to your palace.
In our minds, we visualize who we think we may be. Most of us fear discovering something new about self. Do not fear what you may discover. You may discover a wonderful person waiting to get out and make the changes that most people fear. Changes are good. Do not fear change, since change is a part of life and it is what takes you to new heights in life. When you see something new about you (GOOD OR BAD) take it and use it. If you see something bad, evaluate it carefully to make sure it is bad. If you conclude that this feature about you is bad, figure out ways to change it. You have the power and control inside you to make those changes. What can you do to make those changes? What actions can you take to make your life better?
Once you discover new details about you, move to organize your thoughts, visions, etc, and then sort them out. Take time to evaluate the details. Details have hidden messages you may have overlooked that will carry you to a new life. Do not fear. Fear is the worst problem we face in the world, since fear is one of the ultimate controllers of humankind.
When you discover details take the volume of information you gain and sort through it. Kick out the bad and bring in the new. Discover new ideas. Discover new relationships. Discover the new you. Play with the details and information you gain and see what you come up with, followed by organizing your new information. Put the pieces of your life together to make a new you. When you check the list of information and details, make sure you visualize the whole pie. Take a view at weight, categories, order, colors, and size and so forth, so that you get the most of your new findings. Once you are finish, build your confidence so that you can take action and carry forward without cease.
Negotiating is a skill that like warfare tactics must be honed. It is important to be mentally prepared to win. Do the ground work well before you reach the negotiating table and decide on the “path” you are going to take. Positivity will help and also a sense of confidence and self esteem. Set aside any doubts you may have and stride forward prepared to win at all costs.
The five cornerstones of successful negotiation skills are placing emphasis on common points, presenting clear arguments, being innovative and open to several options, focusing on the problem being dealt with, looking for a clear solution. The key is to be clear about your preferred outcome. However in the back of your mind you must be willing to compromise to some extent.
A good negotiator is an excellent communicator and understands how human beings think, feel, and function. You must be able to befriend the people seated on the other side of the negotiating table. You must know when to push hard, when to accept a compromise, and when to walk away. A negotiator is in many ways an artist. He needs a great amount of creativity to steer the negotiations to a successful completion. A negotiator must keep in mind the 3Fs: fair, fast, and firm.
According to the gurus there are tactics to be used for negotiating:
Most human beings are born negotiators. From the first breath a baby takes it makes all around him dance to his tunes. Most of us consciously or unconsciously do what we have to do to get our own way in life. And, if we look closely it is just mastering the art of negotiation.
If your life is not as passionate as you would have liked it to be, if you lack the zest and energy for living, it is because of the lack of an underlying principle around which one’s life should be organized.
The process of discovering this underlying principle may be the most powerful thing you will ever do yourself, because it will give your life a direction, a purpose. It will provide you with the clarity and focus, that could awaken the unbelievable forces hidden somewhere deep inside you.
In this article we will discuss the concept of life and its underlying principle. We will be going through a step by step procedure, exploring your feelings and options, and by the end of this article, you should have a fairly solid tool you could immediately employ in your life, to give it a meaningful direction.
There are three steps to the process of discovering the purpose of your life:
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As the kid comes to understand the world of being a teenager, there are many confusions and chaos, which can sometimes bring some impact to their growth. As kids make the transition, many elements can make their body and mind out of control. This may turn to anger if not guided well. Parents and teachers must educate the kids about the different transitional changes that will happen to their bodies.
Teens can react indifferently if they are confused. Young teens from twelve to sixteen years of age are more prone to doing things their own way because they feel that their emotions and freedom are being controlled, this results in unmanaged anger.
Teens of today’s world are more prone to pressures compared to the teens of the past. They are more exposed to violence and hostility. Other teens may come from a broken home where domestic abuse is constantly present. By the time they are starting to grow, they are exposed to things like these problems, so they tend to get out of control. They might have fits of anger that can be expressed in the most antisocial form. That is why sometimes, they are required to undergo anger management.
Teens may experience frustrations that drive them to do criminal acts. The best way to revive a teen from this world is to seek help from their parents, teachers, and law enforcers. They can train the teen on how to respond rationally to all this stress. They can teach teens how to identify negative feelings and practice more mature behaviors as well.
Anger management programs can also be of great help to these suffering teens. This special program teaches them to improve their behaviors in ways that are more acceptable. They will be taught how to think positive especially if they are from families who do not show them positive responses to stressors. From this, they can now learn how to handle difficult feelings.
Good relationships don’t just happen. I’ve heard many of my clients state that, “If I have to work at it, then it’s not the right relationship.” This is not a true statement, any more than it’s true that you don’t have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction.
I’ve discovered, in the 35 years that I’ve been counseling couples, 7 choices you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a successful one.
This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This means that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This means learning to treat yourself with kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.
For example, instead of getting angry at your partner for your feelings of abandonment when he or she is late, preoccupied and not listening to you, not turned on sexually, and so on, you would explore your own feelings of abandonment and discover how you might be abandoning yourself.
When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets. Since blaming one’s partner for one’s own unhappiness is the number one cause of relationship problems, learning how to take loving care of yourself is vital to a good relationship.
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Trust is something we learn as very small babies. We trust the first person that we bond with and it grows from there. Have you ever noticed how cool kids are? They trust every little thing we say. They rarely question us when we tell them something.
Believing our every word and why not? They have not been exposed to mistrust yet, not that they would recognize it at such an early age.
Then they get older and come in contact with other children. This is when relationships begin, seperate from the familiar family relationships that they have grown to know as “normal”. They begin to compare lifestyles with their friends and for some, this is when the first mistrust begins.
They find out that it is not normal to be touched by people in their private parts. They find out that it is not normal to be beaten for doing something wrong. They find out that it is not normal to not be fed for a day or even two. They find that it is not normal to watch their dad hit their mom. They find lies, which gives birth to MISTRUST.
Their lives turn an entire chapter at that point. They grow up somehow; suffering through the pain and loneliness of living with mistrust. For some, they rise above it and use it as a learning tool. For others they become it; mistrusting everyone and everything. A small number of those people seek help and spend many hours and a great deal of energy trying to conquer it.
Then, we have our jobs, we trust immediately anyone that has been there longer or that comes off as knowing more than us. We trust our bosses and our co-workers.
It is natural to trust as if we were babies all over again. With any new venture, we yearn to trust.
When we first fall in love; What is that saying, “Love is Blind”? Ha! Now that’s funny, because it really is blind. We trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set ourselves up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it because we are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is trusting someone just a happier, easier, way of life.
Once a trust is breached, it creates a scar that has it’s own heart and never goes away. We just learn to ignore its beat. We try to reorganize our minds and put it on the farthest burner we have. Some of us can do just that, while others cannot. For them life is not so easy. They find themselves thinking, should I trust or not? It’s like they have to find proof and reason to trust, because their minds already mistrust. This is similar to the term “Guilty until proven innocent”. For anyone out there that can relate to that, and I am sure there are many of you that do just that, life is hell.
If, lets say we love someone and they tell us one thing, and we keep getting mixed signals that stir up our mistrust thoughts, where do we go with that? Books tell us, that we are to trust the ones we love and that’s it. And then, if our trust gets breached, and only then, can we be accurate with our mistrust. “Blah” I say! Oh and we’re also told at the same time to trust our gut feelings. OK, I admit confusion here. I know this subject is really going to cut like a knife for some people and I will apologize now, but we have to deal with the reality of our lives.
How else are we going to tackle our insecurities and get stronger? Our goal is to have a somewhat happy life. One that we can talk about to our grandchildren. We have to open our eyes and know what is going on in our world. If your relationship has had a breach of trust or if you have experienced mistrust earlier in your lives, then you already have a reason to feel insecure. Now that you know that, you can start to build upon that. Now you need to identify the exact core of it and toss it. It’s old news and it’s over.
Start a whole new life as if being born again (for lack of a better phrase). I hear you already saying, “Easier said than done”. I totally agree, but how many times have I said, “Anything worth having, does not come easy”? The answer is MANY. Life is not easy. We have to earn all our happiness. I have noticed, and I am guilty of this myself, that we are waiting for our lives to be happy. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about happiness and if I have realized anything at all, its that happiness is in you and your thinking and how you deal with every little thing.
To Trust or Not to Trust is in our control. If we choose not to trust, we open the door to all sorts of evil demons, such as jealousy, low self-esteem, anxiety, envy, selfishness, self-torture, worry, loneliness, and just plain unhappiness. So when we feel that, “Trust or not trust” debate lurking in our minds, choose to not allow your mind to go that direction.
Tell yourself, that you are an intelligent person and you know what is right and what is wrong right now. It is now that you are living, not then, or the past. We are very good at deciding what we want to eat, right? Or where we want to go on vacation and spend tons of our hard-earned money. So then why is it so hard for us to just change our train of thought? Let me tell you…HABITS!
Bad habits, and for any of you that have read my HABITS articles, then you know what I mean. So go back and read it again and again. I believe that if one really wants to change something, it CAN be changed. “Let your thoughts determine your goals and your goals determine your destiny” (something like that). We are all destined to be happy. We just have to focus on our goals.
Feeling mistrust definitely has been caused by something in our lives. We may never figure it out and some of us have already figured their reasons out. But for whatever the reason, it is a negative emotion and one we can surely do without. Work on it, then work on more trust and more love.
When we can trust, love comes naturally and that always invites happiness. So there you have it! I have given you the steps; it is your responsibility to you to climb them. Again I have shared my thoughts with all of you. I would love to hear your thoughts, on anything I have shared with you here.
I take responsibility for my life.
I have the power to make things better.
I always have a choice.
Think about it, every single thing we do is intended to make us happier.
And yet sometimes we get diverted and do things that actually move us away from this goal.
We all have the potential for genuine happiness. There is no gene or DNA marker that determines who will be happy and who will not. We make choices throughout our lives, and the result of all these choices combined determines our level of happiness. Make the right choices and happiness can be yours.
Here are just a sampling of some of the tactics we can employ in an 11-point roadmap to help guide us toward genuine happiness:
There is an old saying that nothing is inherently good or bad—what makes it one or the other, is merely your reaction to it. Find the positive and you will be happier. Those who soar against all odds, do so because they look at the positive that could come out of their situation, however bad it may seem to others.
We all grow up with a “positivity imbalance”—the result of society’s norms and rules being based on restriction and punishment more than approval and reward. From a young age, we are taught what we must not do instead of what we may do. Even in day-to-day life, there is a more negative influence than positive. Luckily you can work to improve the balance.
Celebrate the positive and work to get more of it. When you achieve something, congratulate yourself! Look for things you find uplifting, that make you happy. Get more of that! At the same time, reduce your exposure to negative input, whether it is the daily news or people you don’t feel good around. You know your buttons, make sure the positive ones are pushed more than the negative.
When we were young we were taught that putting our interests before those of others is wrong. This is particularly true for women, many of whom sacrifice their dreams and ambitions to help others achieve theirs. It is also common in the corporate world where the good of the company is considered more important than the good of the individual. It is good to help others, yet we should have boundaries to protect ourselves from being manipulated or abused by others. You are important, and if you don’t look after yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually, you cannot expect anyone else to do so.
All feelings are good. Every feeling occurs for a reason: it is delivering a message. Sometimes that message is pleasant, other times not. Our tendency is to distract ourselves from unpleasant feelings, often through smoking, drinking, or drugs of one kind or another. When you feel bad, avoid distracting yourself, and identify the reason—there is some need not being met.
The more you give, the more you receive. There is probably no scientific study proving this to be so, but unconditional giving is hugely rewarding. It seems that the more of yourself you give, the greater the thrill and uplifting effect on your psyche. Help the needy. Give time if you can. Give anonymously, even if you lose the tax deduction!
You have the ability to make things happen using your mind. Top sports stars and business people use it, and so can you. There are many ways of doing this; one of the common methods is to use visualization—getting a picture in your mind of whatever it is that you want to happen. It does not actually have to be a visual picture; it could be a feeling, a smell, a sound, or any combination of the senses. Imagine finding the perfect parking near the entrance as you arrive at the supermarket or mall. The sky is the limit, but persevere! We are not used to utilizing this tool, so it takes practice.
We resist things we don’t like and often expend a tremendous amount of energy on this resistance. Whilst this can be good and has resulted in tremendous advances through history, we should work to understand those things we cannot change, and then move on. Rather use the saved energy on something more worthwhile and productive. This is not to say that you should complacently accept anything. If you truly desire change, you should work towards that change; but spending time worrying about something without actively working to change it is unproductive and damaging to your wellbeing.
Everything that you do, or don’t do, is because of the choices you make (or don’t make). It is easier and convenient to blame outside causes for things that go wrong in life, but your life is the sum of all the choices you make along the way—sometimes that choice is to let somebody else make a choice on your behalf. If you tend to blame other people or things, it may be scary to take responsibility for what happens in your life, but it is really quite liberating because instead of seeing yourself as an effect of outside forces, you realize you are the cause of everything good you achieve. Don’t abdicate responsibility for your life.
Spend some time analyzing where you are in life, your strengths and weaknesses. How can you turn the latter into the former? Think about your views on everything from your job to global warming and the existence of aliens—then work out why you feel the way you do. Is your reasoning sound? The better you understand yourself, the better you understand the world.
We spend almost all our time thinking of the past or planning for the future. We seldom spend time in the present. It has reached a point where, for most of us, it seems impossible to keep our focus on what is happening right now. Your meditation could be formal meditation or prayer, but it could be as simple as merely focusing on each breath as it goes in and out for five or ten minutes, dismissing past and future thoughts as they arise—and they will!
When we fail, usually the reason is simply that we don’t believe we are able or worthy of whatever it is that we fail to achieve. Most often, this belief is actually false; the result of negative programming received since childhood. The truth is that most of us are able to do most of what we really want to do – you just have to believe. The best way to start is with small things, working your way up as you notice the limits dissolving.
The more successful you are at assimilating the concepts and processes described in these eleven points into your life, the more genuinely happy you will be, and the happiness will last!
Are you ready to take yourself to the next level? Find 101 ways that can work as a launchpad. Here is the book that delivers these 101 Nuggets.
Changing our day-to-day behaviors may be easier than previously imagined. By meditating on and repeating motivational and inspirational quotes, we are better prepared to change our thought patterns, behaviors and in turn, change our lives.
Here’s how it’s done.
If we believe something to be easy, we find little, if any struggle in accomplishing it. However, if we imagine something to be difficult to accomplish, then our struggle becomes more apparent. In fact, if we imagine that it is difficult to change a specific behavior, then we will always find experiences that will justify that belief.
Take this for example. We wake up one morning and decide that:
“This is the day I start losing weight. When things get difficult, I will not reach for junk food, but instead I will focus on something else to keep my mind occupied. It’ll be tough at first, but I’m going to give it a try.”
If you continue with this thought pattern and belief, don’t be surprised to find yourself struggling more often than not. Why?
If we look at this example closely we find a couple of thought patterns and beliefs already in place. We have determined to do something good for ourselves, but we do ourselves a disservice by choosing certain negative thought patterns, beliefs and words that go along with it.
We have said,
“When things get difficult….”
(This is already assuming that there will be difficult moments! Strike one!)
“It’ll be tough at first…”
(This is already assuming it will be difficult at first! Strike two!)
“…but I’m going to give it a try.”
(Remember the movie “The Karate Kid”…”There is no “try”, there is only “do”. Strike three!)
Now there are hundreds of products out there that will assist people in losing weight. Some, if not all of them, may work for various people at various stages of their goal. But for many people who have convinced themselves that losing weight is difficult, some products may fall short when our thought patterns are stronger than our desire to change.
Here is something that a friend of mine have done to change a behavior she no longer desired.
She recently lost 20lbs in about 12 weeks. She didn’t like the way she looked, felt or even thought for that matter. She needed to change and take some action towards it.
First, she realized that she had to change the way of thinking about losing weight. Her old thought patterns were no longer working for her. Her thoughts were like little tiny pictures that projected in her mind of how heavy she was. She no longer wanted these pictures or thought patterns a part of her life. She had to choose a thought pattern and belief that would be easier to think about.
She chose this thought,
“Losing weight is easier than I thought.”
Perhaps not the most ideal for everyone but it worked for her.
Secondly, she chose a word she wanted to focus on for that day, week or month to help her in accomplishing the goal (Start with just a day, or just an hour for that matter. Keep it simple.) The word she chose needed to be in relation to the change she want to make. For example, she chose the word “FOCUS”, as she felt that that’s what she needed to think about most of time; focusing more on losing weight than gaining it. Choose any word as long as it relates to your situation. (Attitude, Energy, Action, Believe…)
Following that, she scoured the Internet for motivational and inspirational quotes that resonated within her that related to that specific word she chose. Quotes that she could remember, especially ones that really spoke to what she wanted to accomplish.
But here’s the most important part.
She needed quotes that were powerful enough to change her thought patterns the moment she read them. Quotes that REALLY spoke to her when her eyes fell upon them. Quotes that forced her to pause and think for a moment. Quotes that had that extra “edge” where her mind said, “Yes. This is one.”
These are all signs of a quote that held power for her. She “focused” in on the following quotes.
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought.” Buddha
“The only way to discover the limits of the possible, is to go beyond them into them impossible.” Arthur C. Clarke
“It’s not what you achieve in the end that matters, it’s who you become in the process.” Author Unknown
In fact, she found dozens of quotes that she resorted to from time to time, but these three she always came back to. They spoke of who she was, what she wanted to accomplish and who she wanted to become as she worked towards her goal.
She wrote them down. She carried these quotes with her constantly. She read them and meditated on them whenever she had the opportunity to. At work, home or at the gym, she focused on these three powerful quotes to help her FOCUS on what she wanted.
Because she changed her thought patterns, over time, she can honestly say she is 20 lbs lighter and a whole lot happier. she can honestly say she is 20 lbs lighter and a whole lot happier. Yes, she’ll be the first to admit that accomplishing the goal involved more than just thinking but it all began with her thoughts. The thoughts then permeated into her actions.
Here are the three steps again:
Be patient. Stick with it. Give it some time.
Why do you think companies offer a 30-day money back guarantee? They know that if you do something for 30 days it becomes a habit and you no longer need to return it! (Learned something, huh?) Give it time.
The first step to what you want to accomplish is changing your mind and the thought patterns and beliefs associated with your behavior. Thoughts are the precursor to action, meaning that thoughts occur before any action takes place. That’s what needs to be changed first. Your thoughts.
I hope this inspires and motivates you to achieve your goal.
Think positive.
Manhardeep Singh 