• 5 Quick Ways To Ease Stress, Depression & Anxiety

    pexels-photo-52608.jpegNo ceremony with this article, let’s go straight into five quick ways that will help you find relief from stress, depression and anxiety.

    1. Take regular breaks from the firing line. Working hard without regular breaks is a great way to build up stress and tension. Make sure you have at least one 15-minute break in the morning and one in the afternoon as well as at least 20 minutes for lunch. If possible, eat lunch away from your workstation. Equally, if you have a lot to deal with in your life right now, taking a day, or a weekend elsewhere – longer if you can – to get some breathing space will really help. Even just a day away from the firing line will enable you to get some distance from the problems and help you to gather your thoughts.

    2. Regular exercise can help relieve stress, depression and anxiety. Exercise releases endorphins into your system and will give you a natural boost. It will also provide you with a break from brooding and dwelling upon problems and troubles – but only if you perform the right kind of exercises. Avoid: Exercises that allow you to brood (weight lifting, jogging, treadmills) and perform exercises that require your full concentration. Competitive sports such as squash, tennis, badminton and circuit training are all excellent examples. It is important that you do not brood when you exercise because although you will be benefiting physically, you are still stressing yourself mentally and the stress, depression and anxiety will worsen.

    3. Stop beating yourself up. Self-deprecation is a huge part of stress, depression and anxiety. Each time you beat up on yourself, you will erode confidence and self-esteem. Never tell yourself you’re useless, worthless, stupid, hopeless, boring, ugly, and a loser. Never convince yourself that other people hate you, that others find you difficult to be around and that you’re better off being alone. You would never deem it acceptable to say such things to other people and you must deem it equally unacceptable to say them to yourself. These words and phrases are powerful and they will hurt you. Accept you’re not perfect and that you make mistakes – just like everybody else does – and cut yourself some slack. From this day, make a pact with me to never indulge self-deprecation ever again. IT IS UNACCEPTABLE.

    4. Isolation is another problem experienced by stress, depression and anxiety sufferers. OK, there will be times when you just want your own company. During such times, you can brood over and over again on problems and events and beat yourself up for hours on end. Not good. Instead, use isolation more positively. Occupy your mind by tackling a jigsaw puzzle, a logic problem, a crossword, read a book or perform a hobby such as painting, playing a musical instrument or whatever it is you have an interest in. In this way, isolation will help you to grow instead of causing you further pain.

    5. Television, radio and newspapers can all supply you with a daily hit of negativity and help lower your mood. In the main, they concentrate on the negative side of life: crime, corruption, war, scandal and natural disasters and can give you a distorted view of reality. Not to mention the amount of image manipulation they subject you to. Give yourself a break from this negative drip feed and avoid them completely for one week. You may find, like I have, that they have no place in your life after that. Trust me, you won’t miss them.

    That’s five, quick tips for you to help fight stress, depression and anxiety. Please give them a try, they’ll all help to boost your mood levels very quickly indeed.

  • 3 Things to Look For In A Movie That Can Change Your Life

    night-television-tv-theme-machines.jpgIf you want to be happier and you also love movies, this article will teach you how to use their lessons to change your life. To achieve this, you must look for three things in every movie you watch. If the movie has all three, it can be a rich, meaningful experience that can change your life while you’re also having fun.

    Here’s what to look for:

    1.  Does this movie inspire you? Great mentors must be able to bring out the best in us. A good movie must have the power to inspire you through the characters it brings to life. If you love a movie, you can use it as your inspirational force by answering these questions:
    How did this film inspire you to go after what’s important in you life?  What did the characters teach you about success and what will you do to follow their examples? What did the characters teach you about mistakes and what harmful actions will you avoid in your life?

    2. Does this movie stir in you powerful emotions? In watching a movie, it’s safe to feel emotions you usually hide in real life, from sadness and pain to joy and bliss. Life is full of emotion. If a movie can not stir powerful emotions in you, it’s not a story about real life but a lifeless illustration in motion. To make the most out of a good film’s ability to stir powerful emotions, answer these questions:
    What powerful feelings did this movie stir in you? How have you been handling those feelings in real life (such as avoiding, suppressing, or letting out of control) and what results are you getting? Can you make any improvements in the way you are handling those feelings?

    3. Does this movie show you how to handle the unknown? Like a great teacher, a good movie must have lessons that prepare you for the unknown and warn you about the dangers of the future. The characters must be honest examples of real people and their ways of dealing with life’s curveballs must teach meaningful lessons for your life. To make the most out of those lessons, answer these questions:
    What did this character (or characters) do to face that unexpected challenge? What happened as a result?  What am I learning from the example of this character (or characters) that I must use (or avoid) in my own life, when I face a similar challenge?

    When a movie does not meet the three criteria, it can still influence you through other, equally important elements, such as special effects, cinematography, great action sequences, or the soundtrack. In such a case, ask yourself: “What do I like about this movie that I want to have more of in my life?” If it’s the music, then put more music in your life. If it’s the cinematography, then add in your schedule some art-related activities. If it’s the action sequences, then pick an area of your life that lacks action and do something about it.

  • 3 Steps to Defining Success and Defining Your Future

    pexels-photo-347135.jpegQ: Are you a success?
    A: Its all in how you define the word!

    An American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican Village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked.

    Inside the boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The banker complimented Miguel, the Mexican, on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. Miguel replied that it took only a little while.

    The banker then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish. Miguel said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs. The banker then asked, But what do you do with the rest of your time?

    Miguel said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, senor.”

    The banker scoffed, “I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and, with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats.

    Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”
    Miguel asked, “But senor, how long will this all take?”

    To which the banker replied, “15-20 years.”
    But what then, senor?
    The banker laughed and said “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce a public listing and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich. You would make millions.”
    “Millions, senor? Then what?”

    The banker said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take a siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings, where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

    What is your definition of success and how are you getting there?
    As the story of Miguel so eloquently illustrates, life success is so closely tied to our values and the way that we want to live our lives. We can easily lose direction and what is truly important to us by being drawn to what success means to other people, ideologies, or pop culture. Being clear on what success means to you and how you are working toward it is EVERYTHING!

    Check Yourself
    Take a moment to ponder the direction that your current choices are leading you in your life, career, relationships, and health.

    Now, make sure you are clear that how you are living in relation to each area is how you ought to be living according to your personal values. You may need to first get clear about your values in each area. Hint: grab a pen and paper for this one.

    Finally, identify one step you could take in each of the four areas that would bring you closer, or more fully into, what is truly successful in these areas.

    Just as the investment banker believed that Miguel should live by the bankers definition of success, so do we often live our lives by a completely different definition of success than we truly ought.

    A thoughtful check of your internal map and compass could start small changes that can take you to destinations as different as Wall Street is to a small fishing village in Mexico!

  • How to be a Responsible Coach

    pexels-photo-260998.jpegAssuming the Responsibilities that come with Being a Coach who can forget the famous line of Peter Parker (Spiderman’s grandfather)? He said, “With great power comes great responsibility.”

    Society expects Spiderman – a comic book, TV and movie superhero with extraordinary powers – to be responsible for saving his town and the world from the forces of Evil. And he never let us down. Despite the temptations of owning such powers, he uses his abilities only for the good of the people around him.

    Being a coach has similar parallels. They don’t have superhuman powers such as x-ray vision or flying through the air with magic “sticky ropes”. But great coaches can have real power through their abilities to help others – and with it, the responsibility – to guide others towards success. This is REAL power that can be used to help real people in THIS world. Done well, coaches can help others turn around their lives. Done wrong, and a coach could guide a client down the wrong path.

    So, with this power to coach your clients towards manifesting their personal and/or business vision comes responsibilities. Great coaches assume them all as part of the professional responsibility. This can include everything from making sure your client is moving in the right direction, getting them back on course when they are not, and developing and tracking their use of exercises to help them along the way.

    There are a few things you can do to be a more responsible coach. Just as important, these same skills can be imparted to your clients to help them lead more responsible, integrity-filled lives.

    How to Bring out the more Responsible “You” in Yourself and your Client:

    #1 – Develop self-awareness
    Learn and know your own strengths and weaknesses to be able to view your behavior objectively. Recognize your shortcomings, receive feedback, and make changes when necessary. The more self-aware you become of all your aspects, the more you will know what kind of clients you can coach best and – just as important – those best referred to others.

    Dr. Gerard Bell, business consultant and professor at the University of North Carolina in
    Chapel Hill, advises us on how to expand our self-knowledge. He said, “Study yourself closely and practice self-assessment techniques to learn how you behave, and the effects you have on others. As others for their option, feedback, and suggestions to become a better coach.”

    The lesson is simple: the more we grow, the more we can offer, and the more we can help others.

    #2: Learn to Separate Responsibility from Worry
    When we hear the word “responsibility”, we often think to ourselves, “Another task, another problem.” However, responsibility is not about worrying over things give to us to work out. Consider this story:

    One night at the end of the second shift, the Head of Operations walked out of the plant he managed and passed a porter. A porter he passed said, “Mr. Smith, I sure wish I had your pay. But I wouldn’t want the worry that goes with it.”

    Mr. Smith answered, “I give the best I can when I am here. But I drop the worry when I leave so I can be 100% with my family when I’m at home.”

    You, too, can learn to give your best to challenging work, but then “leave it at the door” when you’re off-hours. Worrying accomplishes nothing except to eat away at us, and actually ends up making us less effective! Don’t let worry taint your clarity of judgment and ability to take decisive action. You can learn this as you grow.

    Carrying the responsibility of coaching should not intimidate you. It is the ability to help others that coaching is all about. Embrace the responsibilities that come with it.

    Nothing is gained by worrying about whether your clients achieve their goals or not. Focus on supporting and inspiring them. Be their partner in their growth. Brainstorm with them when it is called for. But ultimately, it is your client’s responsibility to assume responsibility for accomplishing their goals. You merely help them see and achieve this state.

    #3: Take Calculated Risks and Learn from Your Mistakes

    Effective coaches have the courage to ask their clients to take risks when results and success are uncertain. A willing ness to risk failure is a core attribute of all successful people.

    As a coach you can help your clients work with risk and possible failure. Help them learn to analyze their situation and options. Work with them to list the pros and cons for each option, then assign each choice a risk factor rating from 1 to 5. Next, have them determine the likelihood of each occurring. This will help them quantify and manage the risk-taking process.

    Also, lead them to a better paradigm regarding failure. What is failure other than great feedback that our current course of action isn’t the right path? Use this information for course correction. Failure doesn’t happen until we give up. If you don’t give up, then failure isn’t an option.

    #4: Own and admit our mistakes
    Our greatest lessons and growth come through our mistakes. Everyone makes them; it is part of life. Help your client understand this, and they will be able to draw the necessary lessons and take corrective action. If we do the “blame game”, we don’t even take the first step (ownership) in this process.

    Not only does owning our mistakes and failures help us to be more truthful and powerful in our own lives. Owning and assuming responsibility for them lets others see the integrity and virtue within us, and hence further gain their respect.

  • “I’m a Terrible Writer”: A Non-Writer’s Guide to Improving Your Everyday Writing

    pexels-photo-891674.jpegAt the beginning of every session I’ve ever taught writing, at least one student in the class will issue the disclaimer, “I’m a terrible writer.” That student seems to think he or she is incorrigible, hopeless, a lost cause with the written word. The poor kid was probably just the victim of too much red ink from some past English teacher. Almost without fail, I find that that student has a lot of promise as a writer and needs only a little tweaking of his or her writing. Educated people will judge you by how you write, so polishing your writing is worth the effort. Improving your everyday writing requires time, determination, and a forgiving spirit, but anybody can do it.

    1. Pay attention. Have you ever bought a car and then suddenly noticed how many other cars just like yours are out on the roads? Plainly stated, you notice what you pay attention to. Good writers pay attention to words, written and spoken. Tune in to the language “wavelength” and discover what you can learn.

    2. Surround yourself with words well spoken. Pick out someone you admire whose speech you would like to emulate. Listen to talk radio or watch C-SPAN or other television shows that deal with ideas. But choose your language models carefully. The fact is that we write what we hear in our heads, and what we hear in our heads is what we surround ourselves with.

    3. Read, read, read. The best writers are those who have read a lot. Reading almost any kind of prose can help you improve your writing. If you like sports, don’t limit yourself to the box scores: read the sports columnists. Read the editorial pages of major newspapers, or seek out not just the news but the feature articles, especially in Sunday papers. These writers are published not just because they have something to say, but because they say it well. Immerse yourself in good writing.

    4. Pull your grammar book off that dusty shelf. If you threw away your last grammar book from school, go buy another one. If you have questions about the correct form of a sentence, use that book to research the problem and the answer. Grammar is not rocket science, so don’t be intimidated by it. As quirky as English can be, a lot of grammar is actually quite logical. You don’t have to memorize everything in the book: just use it when you need it. I’ve found that many writers have only one or two basic grammar issues that they’ve never had explained to them. Figure out what your misunderstandings are, and you’re halfway to their resolution. Ask a knowledgeable friend for help, if you want.

    5. Use your dictionary regularly. Don’t depend on spell check. Spell check can be a safety net before you send out a piece of writing to your boss, but train your brain to become your spell checker. Make a list of words you regularly misspell (spell check can tell you what they are). If you hear a word you are unfamiliar with, look it up to see how it is spelled. Become curious about words. This is why a dictionary can be so important: you not only can learn the correct spelling of words, but you can learn how they are used in different contexts. You can even discover a word’s roots, which might help you make sense of its meanings and spelling. Spell check just isn’t enough.

    6. Use your thesaurus sparingly. A thesaurus is a great tool for reminding you of words you already know how to use, but if you are unfamiliar with a word or have never heard or read it being used, don’t use it. There is no more obvious giveaway that a person doesn’t have a clue than a person regularly misusing big words. Write to express, not to impress.

    7. Keep it simple. Unless you make your living as a novelist or poet, your main purpose in writing is probably to communicate an idea clearly and concisely so that others understand it. Before you send out a memo or letter, write what you mean to say in plain English, as if you were writing it to your best friend. Then read it as if you are the recipient of that memo or letter – did you leave something out that is necessary to understanding your point? Is there a sentence that doesn’t make sense? Reduce your sentences to their simplest possible form, and then add whatever details are necessary to make your meaning clear. This is not a license to be rude – etiquette, common courtesy, and protocol are necessary. But writing your idea for another person to understand doesn’t require unnecessary complexity or ten dollar words.

    8. Use the active voice, not the passive voice. “John hit Paul” (active) is a stronger sentence than “Paul was hit by John.” Of course, it depends on whom you want to emphasize, the “hitter” or the “hittee”. Sometimes you may want to be intentionally vague: “Mistakes were made” (but you don’t want to state by whom, or maybe you don’t know). The passive voice is perfectly grammatical; just determine what your intention is and use the active voice whenever possible.

    9. Use strong verbs, and its corollary, write in complete sentences. You can make your writing clear by focusing on the action in the sentence. One strong verb carries more punch than a long string of adverbs.

    10. Make sure your pronoun references are clear. Will your reader be able to figure out which “she” you mean, Linda or Connie? What is “it” – a plan, an idea, a dog? The antecedent of the pronoun, the word that comes before to which the pronoun refers, needs to be obvious to avoid misunderstanding.

    11. Be careful with punctuation. It has been said that punctuation marks are like traffic signals, indicating when you should stop or pause in your reading. Maybe. But more punctuation doesn’t necessarily make your writing any clearer. Here’s where your grammar book can come in handy. Remember that punctuation marks themselves don’t carry any meaning. If your words don’t already describe some strong feeling, an exclamation point isn’t going to help. Overusing exclamation points is unprofessional.

    12. Forgive yourself and others. You are going to continue to make mistakes, and so will even the best writers around you. Publishing houses have copy editors for authors who make millions of dollars writing books, because everyone who writes occasionally makes mistakes. It’s just a matter of degree: are your mistakes constant or occasional? So if you write something that you or someone else notices is ungrammatical or misspelled or incomplete, correct it, get over it, but don’t give up on yourself.

    You want your first impression to be a good one, whether it be how you look or how you write. Learning to improve your everyday writing is a long term proposition and one that requires work, but if it’s what you really want, it’s worth the time and the effort.

  • A Is For Action’ – What Time Management Is Really About

    pen-calendar-to-do-checklist.jpgWhen you get right down to it, time management is really about managing your actions. We all want to use the process of time management to allow us to perform more actions in the day, getting everything done that needs to be done and giving us time to do the things we enjoy doing. But time management isn’t a magical cure for getting the actions done that you need to do. It’s simply a tool. A very powerful tool when used correctly, but still just a tool.

    For example, you might learn all there is to know about time management – read countless books, listen to CDs, and maybe even attend a few training courses or seminars. But unless you take action to put what you have learned into practice, it will be time and money wasted. And wasting time, as we both know, is one of the worst things you can do.

    On the other hand, perhaps you do decide to take some action, and start to do some of the things you have learned. But only half-heartedly. Maybe you create a to do list at the start of the day, but then never refer to it. Or you organize all your existing files, but just throw any new papers into a single pile. Or you do a few of the exercises you have learned, but never do anything with the results you come up with.

    But perhaps the worst thing that can happen when using the tools time management offers is to follow the actions you have learned, refer to the information you write down, but then simply not get anything done. In the case of a to do list, perhaps you draw the list up for the day, then just procrastinate on tackling even the first task. You may not even do it consciously – looking back on the day, things just always seemed to “come up” (although if you are following good time management advice, that excuse shouldn’t apply any more!)

    If this is happening, it is possible that the issue isn’t time management, but more an issue of motivation.

    If the tasks are part of your job, perhaps the work no longer interests you and you need to find another area to work in. If the tasks are for yourself and are related to your personal goals, perhaps the goals you have set for yourself aren’t the correct goals for you? You may have written those goals down because you thought you should, but it’s not really what you want.

    Of course it may just be that you didn’t realize you were procrastinating on doing the actions you needed to do, and that realization spurs you on to get everything done!

    Ultimately, time management comes down to taking action and applying the methods you have learned to plan your activities, then taking action to do those activities in the most efficient way possible. Everyone can do it – even you!

  • Dealing with failure in your career

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    Life is full of surprises and some are good and some are not so good. It is all going to depend on the way that you think and what you do to make it positive. Failure is one problem that we all have to deal with at some time or another. There are going to be issues that we have to work at and deal with as we go. Failure is part of that learning lesson.

    Dealing with failure and your career is something that you need to handle with care. When you are not using all of your abilities to the best you will see that it is hard to be a successful part of life. Making all of your career dreams come true is something that you must work hard at not matter what.

    Dealing with something that goes wrong at work can be hard. You have to think about the way that you want to handle it all. You have to make sure that you are professional about it all and using all of your skills to turn it around. Failure does not have to be something that goes on forever. You can change your luck and make things easier to deal with.

    There are ways that you can change the failure that happens in your life. Many people like to take courses and classes on how to improve their skills in for their career. This can lead in many people furthering their education and getting the promotion that they have always dreamed about. Going to school to get another degree is something that you can be proud of and help you deal with any type of failure that comes your way.

    Some people realize that their career is not the right path for them. They have chosen something that they have failed at and they can no longer deal with the pressures that go on. Having something that they can fall back on and learn from is a great experience and one that can bring more positive things later in life. Changing the way that you think will be a great advantage to everything else that you do. It can make you a better and stronger person that can handle the failures that come your way.

    The way that you make your living should make you happy. If you are not happy with this lifestyle then maybe you should think about doing something else. You should be thinking of another type of career path that would make you happy. We all make bad choices about what we do for a living but if we decide to do something about it we can make a difference. Using our skills to change the way that that we live can also be a rewarding experience as well.

    Finding out about ourselves and what we do can make a positive impact on how we life our life. Using what we have learned about ourselves and everything else can help us deal with the any type of failure in our career or with lie in general. It can all be fixed with the right type of help and a little patience. Remember that life is too short to focus in on the negative and any failures that we may have had. If we try and pursue a happy and healthy career that makes us happy, we will be better people in the end.

    Figure out a way to use failure to gain more control over your life and all that you do to make yourself feel more confident for future goals that you set.

  • Relaxing Muscles Can Be the Key to Reducing Stress

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    Perhaps you’re an airline pilot who’s just spent hours in the cockpit.  It seems like every muscle in your body is tense and you need relief.  Or perhaps you’re a stay-at-home mom who’s spent the better part of your day cleaning your house.  You feel as if your nerves are shot and you desperately want to feel better.

    In both instances, the key to relieving stress may be progressive muscle relaxation. It’s a technique that began in the 1930s, but still has relevance today. With this technique, muscle groups are flexed and then relaxed in short order. The foundation of this technique is the concept that physical relaxation leads to mental repose. While the method does involve activating the muscles, you don’t have to be a weightlifter to try it.  That’s because it requires no special training.  In fact, virtually anyone can master the technique.

    In general, you’ll want to practice the method ten to 20 minutes a day.  But don’t blame yourself if you don’t master it on the first try.  It’s best to take a gradual approach, improving your muscle flexing capabilities over time. You’ll need to rehearse the technique again and again in order to obtain maximum benefit.  You’ll also need to be patient because you might not be able to pick it up in a single afternoon.  But, in the long run, it will be well worth the effort.

    Progressive muscle relaxation is referred to as a deep relaxation technique. This means that it can not only reduce stress, but also help alleviate chronic pain and sleeplessness.  Doctors often use the technique in an effort to treat migraines and cancer. Usually, the relaxation technique begins with the feet and the legs, then gradually moves up the body to the chest, neck, and face.  However, some physicians may try to relax muscle groups in a different order.

    After some time, the amount of muscle tension attempted is increased in order to maximize the work of the muscles. You can engage in this exercise while seated, or you can do it lying in bed. Make sure, however, that you attempt it only in a place that is quiet and tranquil. Otherwise, you might find it difficult to complete the exercise. To begin with, tighten the muscles for about eight seconds and then release. Relax for about 30 seconds, then move onto another set of muscles. You might use progressive muscle relaxation in conjunction with imagery. In other words, you might imagine that you are like a wave of the ocean unleashing your power by flexing your muscles.

    Through progressive muscle relaxation, you can learn to interpret your body’s cues.  In this way, you can identify signs of tension within your body and determine ways to correct it.  As a result, you should feel much less stress and may even feel as if you have more energy. Because progressive muscle relaxation has been around for decades, it is proven effective. Therefore, it is not a fad, but a legitimate relaxation technique.

    Your initial relaxation session should last about an hour. You will engage in such activities as making a fist, bending your arms, raising your eyebrows, clenching your teeth, pulling up your shoulders, tightening your abdominal muscles, and lifting your heels.  In time, such exercises will become second-nature to you. However, you should not try to speed up your exercises—the point is to remain relaxed, not to quicken your pace. The exercises may be a perfect activity on a Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon—whenever you’re ready to relax.

    Progressive muscle relaxation is for everyone. Whether you work at a construction site or a classroom, in a music hall or in a meat market, you can benefit from the relaxation exercises. Granted, it may be hard for you to relax at first. But, chances are, you’ll quickly master the technique and learn to enjoy your exercises. In time, such relaxation exercises should become a natural part of life. You’ll feel healthier, more energetic, and less stressed. Chances are your attitude will brighten, since the weight of the world has been taken from your shoulders. You’ll find that time relaxing is truly time well-spent.

  • Battling Romance Myths

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    The institution of marriage is surrounded by a number of myths, stories and advice freely offered by people on a daily basis.  Unfortunately, many people listen to and believe these pieces of so-called wisdom to the point where it doesn’t help their marriage and it only hinders its growth.  Many of the myths regarding relationships are incredibly damaging and it is unfortunate that they are such common beliefs.  Once you understand why certain bits of advice or information can be regarded as myths, you can break through what could be blocking the growth of your marriage.  In fact, you may actually learn to appreciate your spouse and your role in your marriage even more.

    Sensationalist television, magazines and talk radio have been key players when it comes to fueling any belief that there is a battle between the sexes happening.  While there are definitively some physical and psychological differences, they are not enough to earn the term ‘battle’ as a description.  When you allow yourself to consider any kind of battle between the sexes, you risk grouping all men or all women into a certain category and that leads to stereotyping.  Once you recognize that your partner is a unique individual with a number of positive attributes, you can shed the thought that there should be any type of conflict between the two of you.  Any thought of battle or conflict only leads to lack of communication, misunderstandings and discourages growth in any relationship.

    Nice guys finish last is one of the worst possible sayings floating around today.  Whoever thought of that and actually uttered those words must have been feeling truly low and full of self-pity because there simply cannot be any other explanation.  Nice guys never finish last.  They may have a longer and harder road sometimes, but it isn’t often that you see the bullies and jerks finishing first.  If they aren’t, who is?  It’s the nice guys, but they are so nice and gracious you don’t hear them bragging about it.  It is also important to note that the word ‘nice’ doesn’t mean ‘weak’ or ‘ effeminate’ in any way.  Nice means socially or conventionally correct; refined or virtuous and not at all negative in any way.  Nice is not another word for push over or spineless.  Nice is as close to a ‘perfect’ man as you can come and they always end up first in line.

    Romance is all you need in order to save your relationship is a wonderfully optimistic thought, but not quite accurate.  If simple romance were enough to save a marriage, it would be running wonderfully rampant throughout the world today.  Unfortunately, it takes more than simple romance.  If you truly feel love for your spouse and you are expressing it through romance, then it will save your marriage. If you are trying to use romance to buy some time or to placate your spouse, then you are only buying time or placating your spouse.  Your time as a married couple is most likely limited and should be attended to immediately by a professional.

  • Effectively Using PowerPoint

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    The software application PowerPoint has been a revolution in public speaking particularly in the business world. PowerPoint is easy to use, available with almost every implementation of the Microsoft Office suite and it’s reliable. If you can use Microsoft Word, you probably have the skills to put together an effective presentation using PowerPoint.

    But just like anything else, there is a right way and wrong way to give a talk using PowerPoint as a speaking tool. If you have ever sat in on a presentation where the speaker used PowerPoint unwisely, you know that the tool can become as much of a curse as a blessing to a public speaker. So it’s good to have some guidelines on how to use PowerPoint to help your presentation and not hurt it.

    Knowing in advance some of the problems that can disturb your talk if you use PowerPoint unwisely can help you in the design of your slides. For one thing, it’s a good idea not to put too much text on a PowerPoint slide. If you put a long paragraph of information up on the screen, you will see people squinting to try to read it all. And even if the section of your talk refers to that text, you put your audience in the position of trying to read that text or listen to you. And either way they go, part of your message will be lost on them as they try to keep up.

    PowerPoint comes with some really fun special effects like fonts and special effects like fade in or other ways text can be revealed on each slide. Avoid the temptation to get too cute with these effects. It’s always nice to have a little humor in your presentation but if your slides are overly “cutesy”, it reduces the credibility of your talk. Also if every slide uses a different special effect, color scheme or font, not only is that distracting to the audience, it makes you look like you just discovered PowerPoint and had to play with all of the toys it has. So establish some consistency in how each slide will look or behave and stick with it through every slide.

    Another great device that PowerPoint offers is to allow the software to change slides for you on a timed progression. In that way, PowerPoint can change the slide every two minutes allowing you just the amount of time you want between slides. While this is also very slick, it is a dangerous toy to use because it can cause you to stumble while doing your talk. You have to have your talk planned to a high level of precision to carry off that kind of talk and if you pause too much, have a question pop up or any other disturbance in your script, PowerPoint will move on when you do not. So use this feature with caution.

    Above all, do not turn your back on the audience to read a PowerPoint slide to them. This is the number one most common mistake people do when speaking using PowerPoint. Turning your back on your audience is always a bad idea. So if you must discuss what is on the slide, do so facing the audience. But to turn your back and then read a slide to them is insulting and boring to your audience.

    It is far better not to have the text information on the slide but just a series of bullet items that are ticklers for the presentation you are giving. This approach assures that PowerPoint remains a tool that you are using not a tool that is using you. And that makes you the boss of PowerPoint which is the way it should be.