Manhardeep Singh

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Manhardeep Singh is an India-based bestselling author and graphologist. With a passion for self-help literature, he has penned the book 12 Laws of the Universe, alongside other notable titles in his 12 Laws Series, including 12 Laws of Life, 12 Laws of Karma, and 12 Laws of Being Human. Manhardeep’s writing is characterized by its insightful exploration of universal principles that guide personal growth and transformation. He believes in empowering readers to unlock their potential through understanding the laws that govern their lives.
  • 21 Life Changing Questions You Can’t Afford to Not Ask

    21 Life Changing Questions You Can’t Afford to Not Ask

    Imagine finally taking off seven coats you’ve been wearing on top of each other for years and years. You’ve forgotten that some people consciously choose to live without seven layers of coats on even though most people are living that way.

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    You remember the possibilities you imagined your life would be when you were a child. You decide to take off the coats and start running joyfully through the spring fields you forgot about. You move into the light where you finally begin to laugh and live feeling inspired every day instead of simply walking around reacting to life, complaining, counting down the days to the next weekend or vacation until you finally die.

    Start taking off the coats that have layered your soul since you started to grow up. Forget about the negativity of the news. Don’t believe negative people telling you that you canít make more money or move to a nicer city or do anything to better your life. Ignore all the forces telling you what you canít do. Close your ears to people who blame their boss, the government, their friends, and their circumstances for what they donít like about their lives.

    It’s time to leave ’em all behind and say ‘See ya!’ It’s time to adopt a new Belief System (yeah, whatever we believe is simply B.S. – just opinions we made up that may or may not actually be true.) It’s time to drop all that limited thinking that keeps you stuck on the birth-school-work(paycheck-to-paycheck)-death merry-go-round.

    It’s time to learn the magic of saying YES. Iím going to make YES your new favorite word. Imagine what you want most in life right now. Dream BIG. Think of what your ideal life would look like. See all the tiny details. You have no limitations. You can have exactly what you want.

    Money is no object. Your time is your own to spend as you like for as long as you wish. Dream BIGGER now. What fills your soul with more joy than you’ve ever felt before? Remember the best experience of your life? Start there and make it as amazing as you can.

    Would you like to tap into your full potential? Discover the 99 questions that can help you realize the superhuman in you.

    This workbook will help you:

    • Discover your latent talents and hidden strengths
    • Learn how to create instant emotions of happiness and abundance
    • Improve every area of your life
    • Tap into unlimited source of power
    • Create a future you like

    99 Questions to Self is a comprehensive self-development workbook. If you like modern, practical, and interactive books, then you’ll love Manhardeep Singh’s self-help workbook.

    Buy 99 Questions to Self to start your journey of self-discovery today!

    FREE PREVIEW
    BUY NOW

    How are you spending your days and nights? Who are you with? What are you doing? What emotions are coming up? What smells are in the air? What are your favorite foods that youíre eating and tasting? What cities and countries are you visiting? What are you wearing?

    As you reach out to touch your loved ones youíre sharing this life with what sensations run through your hands? -Get as specific as possible. The more specific you are the more youíll get out of doing this. I want you to see, hear, feel, taste and smell every little piece of the life you were born to live.

    As you walk into your dream house how big are the doors? How high are the walls? How much of the square footage is covered in windows? How have you furnished it? How many rooms does it have? How many rooms does your guest house have? How many acres of property do you own? What do you see outside of the windows? A meadow? A stream? The ocean? The sunset?

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    Is this the most fantastic day of your life? YES, it is. Get more in depth. See how your smile looks. Feel the warmth in your heart and the ease and peace in your spirit. Hear the sounds of the surroundings that feed your soul. Feel the excitement in your bones as you realize that you are actually living in your dream come true.

    How amazing do you feel right now? You deserve this life donít you? YES, you do.This is no accident. If you are in a human body then you deserve to use it to build the life you truly want to be living. Hundreds of thousands of people are doing it right now. Can’t you do it too? YES, you can. You may need some help, guidance and support, but you can and you will create the life of your dreams. YES, it’s yours for the taking.

    YES, you’re ready. YES, you will live it now. How do you feel right now? YES, right now at this moment. Imagine feeling this light and warm every day. You’re smiling aren’t you? If you aren’t then you didn’t do the exercise above slow enough to absorb it and I invite you to do it again.

    Feeling is what creates what we have and do. Positive thinking without honest feeling behind it will leave you wondering why nothing’s changed.

    When you learn to consciously create with your feelings you’ll start getting better results in your life. Right now you’re probably getting results based on your unconscious feelings. The scary part of this is that most people only feel in reaction to what happens to them. I’m teaching you how to create with your feelings instead.

    Please re-read this exercise and get precise about what you want. Simply getting conscious about your desires and feeling as if you’re already living this way will magnetize it to you. You’re creating everyday so you may as well do it consciously to get what you really want. You deserve it, so go for it!

  • Discover Your Path to Success – Part 1

    Discover Your Path to Success – Part 1

    Success can easily be compared to the “genie trapped in a bottle.” For many of us, it is a matter of finding a way to open the bottle, and then, follow a specific path. This path is filled with pitfalls, and traps, along the way, so it is wise to expand your vision by learning as you go.

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    To many people, success is a “fairytale” and as elusive as a Yeti. In reality, success is just around the corner, and sometimes already exists, as hidden treasure. I am not talking about sunken ships or Indiana Jones. What I am referring to are skills you already possess, friends and family who will help you, and accomplishments that you already have made.

    When you put these hidden treasures, together, with your end goal in mind, you are on your way toward success. Now let’s look at a way to move forward every day, live a quality life, and help everyone around you, in the process.

    Would you like to tap into your full potential? Discover the 99 questions that can help you realize the superhuman in you.

    This workbook will help you:

    • Discover your latent talents and hidden strengths
    • Learn how to create instant emotions of happiness and abundance
    • Improve every area of your life
    • Tap into unlimited source of power
    • Create a future you like

    99 Questions to Self is a comprehensive self-development workbook. If you like modern, practical, and interactive books, then you’ll love Manhardeep Singh’s self-help workbook.

    Buy 99 Questions to Self to start your journey of self-discovery today!

    FREE PREVIEW
    BUY NOW

    Write all of your goals down, and keep them in a place that you will see. This could be on a piece of paper in your pocket, on your desk top, in a notebook, in your diary, or on your palm pilot. Wherever you put this information, it should be a place where you will see it, every day.

    Separate realistic from lofty goals, but don’t throw lofty goals out. Also, separate short-term goals, from long-term goals, and design estimated time frames, for measured results. You don’t have to share this with anyone, unless they share the same goal. If you have, at least, one close friend, spouse, or family, who shares the same dream, you are in a very strong position.

    However, you don’t need to be a “politician” to be successful, if you learn to focus on your goals, every day. Now we have to go over a few questions that will also help you design your road map toward success.

    Will your goals hurt anyone? Will you have to step on anyone to get what you want?

    If you answered yes to either one of the above questions, you should redefine your goal or goals, so you can achieve it or them without harming anyone in the process. If that is not possible, throw that goal out, and move on. Your goals should help people and be morally sound.

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    Do you have a real passion for your goals?

    This one is also important because, if your goal is “flipping burgers” for money, it won’t be long, before that gets old. I have yet to meet the person, who has a real passion for flipping burgers. Please don’t get me wrong, some people are very good at it, but I have known many short order cooks, who wish they were doing something else besides “slaving” over a hot stove.

    What you choose, must be something you love doing, and the money will follow. There are so many people, who craft an occupation, based upon money alone, and learn to regret it. If you have a purpose in life you have “self-worth.” Self-worth is a very valuable hidden treasure.

  • Improve your Personal Life in Awareness

    Improve your Personal Life in Awareness

    To improve your self-awareness you first need to concentrate on your past and emotions. How did you get where you are at now and how can you get to where you want to be in life. Pulling up the resources in your mind will help you become acquainted with self.

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    A person needs to know and trust him or herself before they can trust others. Don’t depend on the judgment of others, rather use your own judgment and it will make you feel like a new person. You should always stop and think, so that you learn how to trust you and know who you are. With the fast pace world we live in now you probably put many things aside and because you don’t have time. Take time for yourself and think about it before you do.

    When looking back on your life, look for the things that made you the way you are today. Try working on a positive attitude in order to become completely yourself and get that self-awareness back.

    Ready to take yourself to the next level? Find 101 ways that can work as a launchpad. These nuggets are delivered to you one page at a time. Implement it, see the result, repeat!

    These nuggets can help you:
    • Be goal-driven vs emotion-driven
    • Be strong on the face of criticism
    • Handle difficult situations smoothly
    • Increase likability among peers
    • Be irresistibly charismatic

    Buy 101 Nuggets for Life to take every area of your life to the next level today!

    PREVIEW
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    Start doing things that make you happy and successful. Bring happiness to yourself and others, it will make you feel good and bring joy to your life. When you are happy you’ll have less stress as well.

    Practice yoga and meditate to help you develop. Meditation takes a lot of practice so be patient when using yoga practices and do not expect results to happen over night.

    Try to rediscover yourself by writing a journal. Write about how you feel, what you want in life; record it all, write the results as you progress. This will help you decide what is important and what isn’t. Knowing what is important and what isn’t will bring out the value in you. Knowing your values in life are the key to self-awareness and your personal growth and happiness will bet better as each day goes by.

    Set some goals and deadlines on when you want to have them accomplished. Take action right away allowing you to learn and be flexible. With an open mind study and learn from other people. Finding someone to support you in your goals and to listen when you need to talk about where you want to go will help make them easier.

    You will have to change the way you have done in the past; you learn by mistakes and you don’t want them to happen again. You want new results and you can do that if you do the mistakes over again.

    You will grow as a person once you build your self-awareness. You will accept yourself and others you’ll become more self reliant and motivated. When your self-awareness grows you, will benefit more as a person and become more successful in whatever you want to do in your life.

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    Stay in control of your life; don’t let your life take over and control you. By understanding yourself and mind, you learn how to find yourself, know what has gone wrong, and fix it. Keeping your life in balance is very important to keep your self-awareness up where it needs to be in order to be happy and than you can add value to your life making you feel better.

    Happy people are generous and giving. Give as much of yourself as you can and then push to give more. The more you give the better it will make you feel and you’ll be able to forget the rough and hard times. Since Christmas is here try, choosing a special gift, wrap it for a person who has nothing.

  • How to Expect the Best

    How to Expect the Best

    Do you ever find yourself getting stuck in negative thought patterns and expecting the worst possible outcome in every situation? It’s a common mind-set that proves difficult to change when you finally decide you’ve had enough. Unfortunately, negative thoughts tend to breed and multiply on their own – even when you’re not consciously trying to think negatively.

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    The good news is that turning a negative outlook into a positive one just takes a bit of patience and persistence until the positive thoughts begin to take over.

    Below you’ll find three simple steps to begin forming positive expectations on a daily basis:

    1) Develop self-awareness to recognize negative expectations. One problem with negative thoughts is that they often form below your conscious level of awareness, and you get so used to them being in your head that you hardly notice anymore. To turn the tide of negativity, you’ll have to develop a stronger level of self-awareness. One good way to start is by performing self-checks several times a day. Pay attention first to how you feel. If you’re feeling positive and productive, most likely you’ve been thinking positive thoughts.

    However, if you notice that you’re feeling irritable, pessimistic or stressed, you’re probably focusing more on negative thoughts. When that happens:

    2) Challenge and change the negative thoughts. Believe it or not, it’s fairly easy to challenge and change negative thoughts with a little willpower and concentration. For example, if you find yourself feeling doubtful about your ability to finish your work on time, you might engage in a bit of self-talk like this: “Okay, so I’m feeling a bit worried right now, but really everything is okay. I’m strong, I’m smart and I’m capable of finishing my work on time. I’ll do my best and everything will work out fine.” Even though nothing has changed in your outer circumstances, this type of self-talk can get you thinking and feeling more positive.

    Ready to take yourself to the next level? Find 101 ways that can work as a launchpad. These nuggets are delivered to you one page at a time. Implement it, see the result, repeat!

    These nuggets can help you:
    • Be goal-driven vs emotion-driven
    • Be strong on the face of criticism
    • Handle difficult situations smoothly
    • Increase likability among peers
    • Be irresistibly charismatic

    Buy 101 Nuggets for Life to take every area of your life to the next level today!

    PREVIEW
    BUY NOW

    3) At the same time, while you’re changing negative thoughts to positive, work daily on developing a general positive expectation habit. Each day when you wake up, affirm confidently, “Today is going to be a great day! Everything will go my way and I’ll enjoy plenty of lucrative opportunities and fun!”

    When you encounter obstacles or problems, see them as opportunities to learn, grow and strengthen yourself. Perception is 99% of the game! If you simply work on shifting the way you look at the experiences of your life, you can easily conquer your negative thought habits.

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    The more you focus on changing your perspective to emphasize the positive, you’ll empower yourself to create better circumstances in your life. Before you know it, you’ll be enjoying better and more frequent opportunities and attracting other likeminded, successful people to connect with.

  • A Secret Technique that Entrepreneurs Can Use to Almost Guarantee Success!

    A Secret Technique that Entrepreneurs Can Use to Almost Guarantee Success!

    If you were to walk up and ask successful and unsuccessful entrepreneurs what they did to succeed or fail, most of them would cite some mentor or lack of trait… Blame genetics or outside influence. But if you were to ask the exact same group if they used this secret, 99% of successful entrepreneurs would say yes – and almost all of the unsuccessful entrepreneurs would ask what you were talking about…

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    The secret to being a successful entrepreneur is very, very simple. It is called “Quantifiable Goals”. It might sound complicated, but when you have finished reading this article you will completely understand what it means – and why it is so important.

    Let’s say, for example, that you walk into a room full of entrepreneurs, and ask them to state their goals. To state why they are ultimately in business for themselves. Most of them will respond something along the lines of time or money. But watch them puzzle when you ask them WHY they want to earn money or have that extra time. This is the most essential part of Quantifiable Goals. Any John Doe can say he wants to make money, but why? Is there something in particular he wants to buy? Something he wants to do with that time?

    Are you tired of motivating people or staying motivated? Start seeing motivation like never before concept with a single shift in perspective.

    The Ultimate Book of Motivation will help you:
    • Take responsibility for your life
    • Be unstoppable on the face of failure
    • Turn self-defeating thoughts around
    • Change your outlook on life
    • Motivate anyone to do anything

    Buy The Ultimate Book of Motivation to start motivating today.

    PREVIEW
    BUY NOW

    Once you establish WHY you want that extra time or money, you have just taken a big step towards success. You now have a goal. For example, you want that extra money to buy a house. Buying a house is your goal. Now comes the Quantifiable part.

    How much are you going to spend on this house? $250,000? $1 million? You need to come up with a dollar amount or time amount, something of quantity, to properly set your goals. That way, once you earn that $250,000 or gain those 3 hours, you have essentially attained your goal.

    But waking up one morning and deciding to earn $250,000 doesn’t make it happen. So how do you achieve your long-term Quantifiable Goal? By breaking it up into smaller, medium term quantifiable goals.

    For the example we have been using, buying a house for $250,000, your medium-term goals would most likely be monetary. You could set goals to complete two projects that would each bring you $125,000, or even 10 projects that would bring you $25,000, or break it down even further.

    But what good are these goals anyway? They are still difficult to achieve, and how do you know what to do to achieve these goals?

    Well, you break each of your medium-term quantifiable goals into short term goals. For example, if you chose to get two projects with a price tag of $125,000 each, your first goal might be to think of what kinds of projects you can do that would bring that kind of money in for you. Your next goal would be to close the sale on such a project, and then to complete the project, and finally to collect payment. That way, each medium-term goal is broken down into manageable tasks.

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    At this point, you want to break everything down into a flow chart to help establish your goals. Put your life quantifiable goal at the top on its own piece of paper. Then, put each of your medium-term goals on their own paper in a horizontal line directly beneath your life goal. Then directly below each medium goal, fill a sheet with the short term goals that it will take to achieve each medium term goal.

    This method will help you visualize what you are working towards, and how each step is necessary to achieve your dream.

    Now you’ll want to check off each short term goal as you complete it, completing one sheet at a time. By doing this, you will be able to visually SEE your results progress quickly. Each time you complete a short-term goal, you are one step closer to completing a medium-term goal, which brings you one step closer to completing your life goal.

    Now that you know the secret, what are you going to do about it? I suggest following the visualization techniques given, and build yourself a “life pyramid” on a wall that is visible while you are working. Glance at it every so often, and it will keep you on track. Reward yourself when you complete your goals – from the smallest achievement to completing the entire pyramid. It will most likely be the most positive experience in your life to see that pyramid completed – and the construction process of the pyramid itself will set you on the right path.

  • What Can I Do To Improve My Job-Interviewing Skills?

    What Can I Do To Improve My Job-Interviewing Skills?

    Whether you’re a student job seeker or a polished and proven executive, the first thing you must come to terms with is, “Regardless of the position you seek, you are now in sales!” The product you are selling is YOU! The interview is your opportunity to differentiate yourself in the eyes of your customer [the interviewer] when compared to your competitors [other job applicants].

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    Successful companies today are focused on building what’s known as, corporate “Unique Value-Add Propositions.” Simply put, a unique value proposition is designed to differentiate companies / products and services, by making a decision to do business with you, an easy one. This is accomplished by means of removing the risk in customer’s minds through obvious value-add.

    So before you go into an interview, ask yourself, “What is my unique Value-add for this company? What can I say, do, or show, that will separate me from all other candidates?” And, “How convincing am I?”

    Are you tired of motivating people or staying motivated? Start seeing motivation like never before concept with a single shift in perspective.

    The Ultimate Book of Motivation will help you:
    • Take responsibility for your life
    • Be unstoppable on the face of failure
    • Turn self-defeating thoughts around
    • Change your outlook on life
    • Motivate anyone to do anything

    Buy The Ultimate Book of Motivation to start motivating today.

    PREVIEW
    BUY NOW

    There is no secret that in many cases today, the most qualified, are not always the ones hired. Sadly, many qualified individuals lose out on opportunities expressly due to their inability to distinguish themselves [in the interview] by showing unique value-add. You may then ask, “How does one construct a value-add interview?” The process is surprisingly simple.

    1: As quickly as you can, write down all the words that describe your unique strengths that relate to the position to which you’re applying. [Note: Five words are not enough. Try for at least fifteen / you may also ask others for their input].

    2: As quickly as you can, write down all the words that describe your potential weaknesses as they relate to the position to which you’re applying.

    3: Turn each word into a sentence or statement. It does not have to be complicated. For example, if one of your strength-words was, “experience” – you could simply say, “I am experienced.” [Note: Do the same for your weaknesses list as well].

    4: Take each sentence / statement, and turn them into a question. “I am experienced” becomes, “Why am I experienced?”

    To answer the question, “Why am I experienced?” automatically brings to light your real Value-Add. From a selling point of view, ‘being experienced’ may be true, but it is only, however, a fact. “How specifically, am I experienced, and, How it will therefore benefit the new company,” is the real Risk-Removing, Unique-Value-Add-Information needed to showcase your talents.

    Knowing the answers, ahead of time, to questions like, “Why is [this] a potential weakness for me – for this position?” is equally integral to the success of any interview.

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    Remember that in business, The degree to which you cannot provide a unique Value-Add Proposition is in direct proportion to the degree you hurt yourself, your company and your industry. In any job interview, You are the company. The product you’re selling is YOU!

  • Achieving Your Goals

    Achieving Your Goals

    You may or may not have a set of written goals. If you do not, then I strongly urge you to make a written set of goals and clarify what you want to achieve. Whatever the case, you may be struggling with achieving your goals in life. In this article, you will learn some techniques for achieving your goals.

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    Think of a time in your life when you achieved something you really wanted. Did you doubt it would happen and believe that you could not achieve it? Or did you have a solid sense of knowing that it would happen and doubt never entered into your mind?

    It was the second wasn’t it?

    When Richard Branson set up Virgin Airways, did he sit in his office and wonder if it would ever work? Did Bill Gates sit in his office wondering if anyone would want to buy his Windows product? They may have done for a little while, but they did not let these doubts rule them. They knew their plans would work and that they would be successful.

    When working to achieve your goals, you need that unerring sense of confidence and lack of doubt in yourself. You must Know it is going to happen and that you will succeed. We are not talking about thinking you will succeed, believing you will succeed or knowing you will achieve your goal. They are all intellectual forms of Knowing, Knowing with a capital K; that solid feeling in the pit of your stomach that you will make happen and you cannot fail. Expect it to happen and know there is no other way. It will happen. This Knowing gives you drive and commitment to see you through to the success of your goal.

    Are you tired of motivating people or staying motivated? Start seeing motivation like never before concept with a single shift in perspective.

    The Ultimate Book of Motivation will help you:
    • Take responsibility for your life
    • Be unstoppable on the face of failure
    • Turn self-defeating thoughts around
    • Change your outlook on life
    • Motivate anyone to do anything

    Buy The Ultimate Book of Motivation to start motivating today.

    PREVIEW
    BUY NOW

    But how do you get this feeling? One of the best and most effective techniques is visualisation.

    You currently use the power of visualisation, probably without even realising it. Have you ever run through what you are going to say to someone before you have the conversation? Or seen yourself in your mind giving a presentation before you give it?

    That is the power of visualisation, and it is very potent. You can use it not only for your goals, but for any aspect of your life. Visualisation is something most people are unused to directing. You will find initially that your attention will wander, but you have to pull it back to the task at hand. It is similar to building a muscle up through exercise – it takes time to strengthen it.

    The exercise for visualising your goals is very simple, and is as follows.

    1) Select the goal that you wish to work with

    2) Picture an image of this goal in your mind

    3) Visualise yourself attaining your goal. Use all of your senses – touch, hearing, sight, smell, and taste. Really feel your success with every fibre of your being and Know that your goal is as good as achieved.

    4) Hold this image in your mind for a minimum of 10 minutes – remain focus and positive. Challenge any doubts that rise and replace them with positive words and images of success. If you get distracted or your mind wanders, bring your focus back to your goal.

    You can also hold this successful image in your mind as you go about your day to day business. Keep the image there and focus on your success. You get what you focus on – and if you focus on achieving your goal, then you will get it. Visualisation is a method of programming the subconscious mind for success.

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    With some goals you may want to keep them private. If you are trying to get fit and your friends know you have been less than energetic in the past when you tell them your goal, they will laugh and joke and not believe you. This doubt and disbelief can affect your belief in yourself and in your goal, which in turn can lead to failure to achieve the goal.

    It is hard enough to overcome our own doubts and worries without having to also overcome those of the people around you. Keep any goals where you may be influenced by others to yourself and let the people around you see the successful end result.

    Affirming Success

    Another method for achieving your goals is to use affirmations, which means you repeat your goal again and again to yourself. This is another method of programming your subconscious mind, which is the source of all action.

    An affirmation is a sentence or two that is written in a positive language with definite targets and timescales. A bad affirmation would be “I want to lose some weight.” Your subconscious looks at this and since there is no timescale it will not leap into action. There is also no definite target so your subconscious does not know what to aim for. How is “some weight” defined? It is 10 pounds, but also 1 pound and also just 1 ounce.

    A good affirmation is “I want to lose 10 pounds by the end of this year.” This sends the right messages to your subconscious. It knows that you exactly how much you have to lose (10 pounds) and when this must be done by (the end of this year). You know precisely what you have to do and when it has to be done by.

    If the goal is to lose 10 pounds by the end of the year, we need an action plan to get us to this goal and to make it happen. In this case the action plan may be to reduce our chocolate intake and increase the amount of fruits and vegetables we consume. The action plan is made up of a series of milestones. For example, if there are 5 months until the end of the year then our milestones would be to lose 2 pounds each month.

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    Little Steps

    You may have a big goal such as “To have an income in excess of £100,000 a year by the time I am 35” (notice the goal is specific in both the timescale and the amount and does not put an upper limit on your earning potential.)

    This goal can be very daunting to look at, perhaps even enough for you to give up and not strive to achieve it. To overcome this, you break your goal down into a number of smaller, more manageable steps.

    Any large goal can be broken down into a number of sub-goals, which can then be broken down even further if necessary. Each of the sub-goals has an associated action plan with it. Using our income goal from above, sub-goals could be to understand taxation, to understand investment, to start your own company, and so on.

    Smaller goals are easier for you to handle, and help you to stay on course to your main goal. You also get the satisfaction of regularly having successes and achieving goals, which does wonders for your belief in yourself.

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    All of your major goals and their associated sub-goals and action plans need to be regularly reviewed – ideally daily. This ensures you remain focussed on your goals and instantly know if you start to drift away from your target. It allows you to adjust your goals and action plan according to whether things are working quicker or slower than planned. It also prevents you from repeating actions and carrying out tasks that are not necessary. It keeps the goals in the forefront of your mind, and does not allow you to forget about them.

    Achieving our goals is something we all want to do, but it involves work. Rarely will they be given to us on a silver platter by a servant on bended knee. Achievement requires Knowing, drive and commitment, combined with careful and meticulous planning and a firm belief in ourselves. With unwavering belief and commitment there is nothing that you cannot achieve. Everything and anything is within your grasp – if you are willing to make the commitment to achieving it.

  • Healing The Abandonment Wounds

    Healing The Abandonment Wounds

    I have counseled individuals, couples, families and business partners and authored various published books. Every individual I’ve worked with has had some abandonment wound to heal, and most relationship problems stem from abandonment wounds.

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    It is not possible to grow up in our society without some abandonment wounds. The following are some of the ways it can occur:

    Being torn away from mother at birth and put into a nursery.

    Being left to cry in a crib or playpen.

    Being given up for adoption or being left in foster care.

    Being physically and/or sexually abused.

    Being emotionally abused – ignored, yelled at, shamed.

    Being pushed aside at the birth of a new sibling.

    Having a parent or caregiver who is emotionally unavailable.

    Being unseen or misunderstood by parents or other caregivers.

    Being lied to.

    Being unprotected by a parent or caregiver.

    Being left alone in a hospital during an illness.

    Losing a beloved parent or grandparent at a very young age.

    Divorce.

    Being teased or left out with siblings or peers.

    Being ridiculed by a teacher.

    Being forgotten – not being picked up from school or other places.

    Being left at a young age to care for oneself, a parent, or other siblings.

    When we are deeply wounded at a young age, we cannot handle the pain, so we find ways to dissociate from the intense feelings. Then, later in life, especially when we fall in love, these old wounds can get activated. Our beloved gets angry, withdraws, gives attention to someone else, says mean things, doesn’t tell the truth, doesn’t stand up for us, comes home late, wanders away in a crowded public place, misunderstands us, and so on – and suddenly the pain that has been pushed aside all these years comes roaring to the surface. We think that we are reacting to the present situation, but what is really happening is that the old, unhealed abandonment wound has been touched off. We might find ourselves suddenly enraged or falling apart with intense tears. Our reaction seems too big for the situation, yet we cannot seem to stop the inner pain. We might start to shake violently as the old terror finally erupts.

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    We want our beloved to take the pain away by stopping his or her behavior. If only he or she would not do the thing that activates these feelings, we would be fine. Yet until we actually heal these old, deep wounds, we will not be fine. We will always be vulnerable to having these wounds activated.

    Healing the abandonment wounds does not happen overnight, yet it does not have to take years either. Step one is to tune into your feelings with a willingness to take responsibility for your pain. Once you are aware that deep pain has been activated, seek the help of someone who can hold you and nurture you while you go into the abandonment pain. If no one is available, hold a doll, bear or pillow, and bring in love to the hurting part of you. Open to your concept of God or Spirit and allow this source of love and strength to nurture you.

    It is often not advisable to seek the help of the person who activated the wound because:

    1) he or she may still be stuck in their own wounded place, the place that touched off your wound;

    2) you might become dependent upon your beloved taking care of you and taking the pain away instead of actually healing the pain.

    Once you are with a safe, nurturing person, or even on the phone with a safe person, hold a doll or bear or even a pillow very tightly and breath into the pain. Open to learning and allow the Inner Child who is in pain to give you information about the original pain that is still stuck in the body.

    The body holds the memories that you repressed at the time, and now the body is releasing these memories. Many images may come up as you open to learning with your Inner Child. Be sure you have your spiritual guidance with you, holding you, surrounding you with love and comfort as you open to learning about this deep pain.

    In order to truly understand your present reaction, you need to understand what happened to you when you were little. Keep breathing deeply and allowing your Inner Child to inform you, even if you are crying. Tell the person helping you what your Child is telling you about what happened to you when you were little. It may take awhile, but gradually you will calm down. At that point, tune into what false beliefs you may have embraced as a child that are affecting you now, and what else your Child needs right now to feel loved and safe.

    Being there for your wounded child this way will gradually heal the abandonment wounds. Ignoring your feelings, trying to make them go away, or trying to get someone else to take them away will only serve to re-wound you. It is only when you no longer abandon yourself that the old wounds begin to heal. Eventually, another’s behavior that previously triggered your intense reaction will no longer do so. You may feel sad or lonely when a loved one gets angry or withdraws in some way, but as long as you continue to show up for yourself, the intense pain will not be there.

    If the pain seems stuck in the body no matter what you do, then you need to seek out a practitioner who knows how to release old pain out of the body through acupressure or other bodywork.

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    Once these old wounds are healing, you will feel a new sense of personal power. Others’ behavior can no longer trigger you into these intensely painful feelings. However, a word of caution: we may think it is healed, only to discover another level when we move into a more intimate relationship, or more intimacy with a present partner. The closer the relationship, the deeper the wounds get activated. That is why the primary relationship is the most powerful arena for healing there is.

  • POWER: We want it. We have it. We DON’T use it.

    POWER: We want it. We have it. We DON’T use it.

    If power begins in controlling something, then are we powerless prior to controlling?

    Yes and no.
    We have potential, which is a power in itself, but unused and undirected potential is NOTHING.

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    Are we powerless prior to controlling?

    I would say we are not powerless, but ignorant (Which is a version of powerlessness, I guess.)

    We don’t know that we have power and don’t know to know to test it.

    The end of all powerlessness begins with awareness.

    A Samurai Warrior would learn this by practicing a meditation of sitting on the top of a mountain with his arm extended and sword pointing skyward in a position ready to fall. He would meditate on that fleeting moment when a balanced piece of metal would turn into an unpredictable falling/killing weapon. His awareness was on the potential of the weapon. When he learned that then he could study the application of it’s power.

    What is power?
    What is power like?
    How great is power?
    Where is power now?

    To Know. To Will. To Dare. To Keep Silent.
    These were the powers of the Sphinx and they remain dormant in all of us to one degree or another.

    You don’t know what you don’t know. Thus you must seek knowledge in whatever realm you wish to control.

    You must Will and Dare to use that knowledge.

    To keep silent. This is where power turns to craft. It is the most subtle application of power. So subtle it may seem that things are all happening in your favor when in fact they happen by your design.

    A bolder resting precariously on a cliff, a bow string pulled tight, these have a quality of potential force, What the Chinese strategist, Sun Tsu, called “shih”. With just the right action and the force is unleashed.

    The silent art of power and control is to see the potential force in everything and arrange it so that, if released, it works in your favor.

    The keys to this power are first to know what you want far into the future and to know it in rich and glorious detail. The next step is to develop a precise and detailed plan to your goal and to meditate upon it day in and day out. By having this constantly on your mind you will function with the greatest efficiency toward your goal.

    You will see the world about and know “This action will lead me to my goal. This action will lead me nowhere.”

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    This task that is unnatural for most of us because of our natural tendency to focus on the thoughts of the present and to respond to the urgencies at hand. To master this skill we must alter our thinking and see every action that we perform as an act of manipulating “shih”.

    To do this is the height of Sphinx-like power and makes mere men to seem magical as if they controlled the forces of nature.